A Rudder for my Boat …


Courtesy: Friend on Facebook

It has been a cold day. But no snow has fallen so far … Nightly lows are in the (-18c / -20c) range. The highs are in the minus teens. So not much better. And they tell us that March will be another COLD month. A whole bunch of monotonous, same ole, COLD !!!

Spring may SPRING up on March 20 … But there are still mounds of snow piled up in certain places, one in particular, in Westmount, snow is piled up at least ten feet. And in the yards there is at least three feet of snow that is turning to ice as the cold persists.

It has been one of those spectacular days to speak of.

I’ve been sailing my little sober boat, on the huge open seas of sobriety without a rudder for almost a year. Winging it, you might say…

I do not recommend it …

Reading prayers, saying them over and over, hasn’t made a dent in my hard head. I’ve heard that if you’ve got lots of sober time, they should be memorized already. I’ve got some time … Yet for the life of me, I have not memorized them to date.

My defects of character and my shortcomings have gotten the best of me over the past few weeks. And with no one to consult, at least no one I felt an affinity for, proved disastrous. And like I said the other night, I haven’t been very humble, nor tolerant, nor kind, nor sober.

This afternoon I had an interview luncheon with my new sponsor. He has lots of sober time, he is grounded in the steps. He is the keeper of our Tuesday meeting. We spoke about a great many things. What I am doing, who I am working with, how I maintain my sobriety, and what I need from him.

It was fruitful…

I already have an email waiting for me beginning the steps with him. We meet once a week, we work a step until it is done, we do meetings together on Tuesday, and I work with others, and keep my service commitments.

On the way home from that meeting, I got a call from an old friend. One of my first Canadian forever friends. She lives in another province and we haven’t had a catch up in some time, so when I got home I called her and it was like time stood still. We just picked up where we left off. It was a great treat. There are certain people in my life that even if time has passed, if I pick up the phone and call, they are right there, in the moment.

Since I had my Thursday meeting coming, I didn’t get my afternoon nap. And I left a little early, and the church was blessedly warm. I had a stop to make on the way out, and cranked out set up, and by the time I laid our table and set out chairs, the coffee was already done. That was quick.

We lost a founder this week, but we gained three new members. We had a business meeting, and it went very well. Something that tugged at my heart was – the other night I was coming home, and a newbie I know spoke to me after the meeting and said that he had been to a business meeting, and it wasn’t pretty, and he went out and drank because of it.

That was a direct hit to my gut.

He is now a member of the Thursday meeting.

We read from the Twelve and Twelve and Step 7 … “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” This step talks about humility. I made my amends to the group, I shared my list of shit that happened and I mentioned his words to me a week earlier for everyone to hear.

I feel a whole lot better tonight knowing that I have a rudder for my boat.

Someone to call every day. Someone minding my store, so to speak.

We sat a full table. Thank God for our new men. They keep us on our toes and sober. Even if we fight it, in the end, God makes it right.

Today was one of my better days – a lot better.

It may not be New York, but it is pretty damned close.

More to come, stay tuned …

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