Sunday Sundries … Crossing the River of Denial

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What a difference a day makes …

Today was beautiful. The sun was shining, the air was warmer than it has been, and many folks commented on just how much a difference a day’s worth of sun meant to them.

We lost an hour last night. I was sitting here doing stuff about 1:30 a.m. this morning, and by the time I was finished 2 a.m. turned into 3 a.m. I crawled into bed with my snacks and settled into the book I had to finish, and the next time I looked at the clock it was already 4:30 a.m. That really knocked me … so I turned the light off and went to bed.

I was up and ready to go early, and I left a few minutes early, and I did not hear from my “second” prior to the meeting and so I put up the coffee pot and finished setting up and she turned up a few minutes later. There is a missing lag of ten minutes where you can be really early, or a little late.

Today I was a little early …

Our matron was MIA and I got a call shortly after finishing asking me to chair tonight. And it was a bumper crop. We filled every chair set out. Just to the brim but not a drop over. We are working our way through the back of the book. Tonight’s read: “Crossing the river of denial.”

Growing up in a family with alcoholics, true blooded alcoholics, was a challenge. Knowing that fact, and coming to learn that we never spoke about it, nor ever said the word alcoholic, made it acceptable. Sort of.

Was that denial ? The fact that nobody ever pegged one another as having a problem? I guess it was.

Coming out of the nest, nobody said those words to me either. But I had a problem, and when I got caught, so to speak, nobody said that word.

I don’t remember ever coming to the point that I denied I had a problem. I guess if you don’t say the word, and you keep going, it isn’t a problem. I never denied the problem. But I kept on going.

Denial is not a word I have used. Reading this story … if you read along with me, our girl gets herself into many scrapes with the law. And the drink was always someone else’s problem. I could never blame anyone else for my drinking. I was the one pouring it down my throat.

But as a young person I remember my mother’s words, like yesterday, when she told me that “I’d better never get arrested, because I would be on my own.”

That stuck in my head and somewhat moderated my drinking. I only got stopped once at a check point. I lied my way out of that one, thank god.

During my slip, I came in contact with the police much more often due to the fact that a second person was always in trouble and they always came after him and not me. I was very very lucky. And thankful.

Once our girl made it in, she did what she was told. And never drank again. I came in the second time, I did what I was told, and I hope that I never have to drink again. One day at a time…

I’ve been thinking about certain folks I haven’t seen in a while. Many of them travel in the same groups. Tonight they all showed up. They say be careful what you pray for. I pray for people, and god sends them to me at a meeting.

I got a meeting in, I did some service. I need to work on my Step 2 and get that completed for Tuesday.

A beautiful day ends in a beautiful night. There is snow in the forecast. I guess today was a fluke. But a good fluke at that.

More to come, stay tuned …

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