Spring is 2 days away. Yet, Winter and Mother Nature are dug in for the long haul. We had a beautiful, sunny day today. But as usual, good days are usually followed by grey and wintry. Wednesday is going to bring 10 to 15 cm of snow, AGAIN !!! And more snow will fall on Thursday, which probably means that it will be another noisy weekend.
Yesterday I got coin for laundry, which meant I had thought to do laundry today, but I took a page out of a friend’s playbook today, and when I finally decided to roll over and get out of bed, it was after 2 in the afternoon.
So much for plans …
I should enlist hubby to do chores since he is home during the day. There are bottles to go to recycling and things to be done around the apartment.
I left early because I was ready early. The trains were all running on time and I made my bus on the other end nicely. They are doing a lot of work at the church still, as the room was a mess, and there is crap set all over the place, so I had to clean up to host the meeting, and shortly thereafter, my coffee mate showed up.
We sat a small group. Mostly members of the group. The reading came from the Daily Reflections and: “Happiness comes slowly.”
“… happiness isn’t something I can “demand.” It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others.”
The reading in it’s entirety, from January 17th … Speaks about extending ones hand to a newcomer and the happiness and gratitude that comes when we help another human being.
Which got me to thinking about when I returned the second time. I really wasn’t thinking about what I could get, firstly, the thought I think was, I could no longer drink, and the only place I knew that I could get help with that was in the rooms, and God provided that way back.
I was pretty well shot. Coming back in to the city where I had been sober, and being found out, (read: my return) would eventually get around, and I would have to face the friends I left in haste when I went back, and had to deal with those feelings, and the looks from my fellows …
Eventually that took place.
I spent the first few months drinking in everything around me. Listening to speakers, sharing at discussion meetings, outings and meals with my friends. It was stability that came first off.
God had prepared the way for me, of what was going to happen next. I hold to the belief that the way events took place could only have been divinely inspired. And I ended up here.
That is when my thinking got a little wonky.
Once I had been here a while and I rooted, my head began to swell. And I started demanding from God. I formed a list of expectations that were well out of my grasp at that time. The old timers kept telling me to “keep coming back” and to “stay in my day.” That took a long time to learn.
It started with arriving early and staying late. Setting up chairs and tables, and making coffee. I did whatever I was told to do. At a point in sobriety, I “Coupled” and that began the building of our home we still have today.
Happiness came. But it did not come over night, but it came, one day at a time, and it still comes at that pace. There may come a time that we say to ourselves that we are not happy with what life has given us and that we want MORE, which, in reality, stems from our alcohol use and the need for MORE.
I’ve learned this past year that sometimes, More is too much. And that I should be happy with what I have, because it took more than twelve years to get here, one day at a time. Today I can be happy with what I have, and that I don’t need or require MORE.
I put my sobriety first, I try to work with others, and reach out.
I am in my steps and in the book.
I am content. And most of my friends are content. We are all learning from each other. Which is humbling.
I got to see my friends. It was a good evening.
More to come, stay tuned …