Thursday … Daily Acceptance, Brilliance and Loving One's Self

tumblr_l5ddbvDdeT1qzfjmqo1_500 oriental tiger

Courtesy: Oriental Tiger

The weather was a bit iffy tonight. Dark skies and spitting rain hung over the city through the rush hour period. After the rain storm, there has not been a repeat.

I left early to go shopping on the way out there is a birthday tomorrow. Our local card seller always has a great selection of cards, they could be read as embracing the LGBTQ community, or that the creator took into consideration who might purchase their cards. I found one to my liking and went to pay, When she rang it up, that nice pretty card cost me $9.00 …

Somebody is making a killing off the greeting card trade.

I could buy an entire box of Christmas cards for $9.00 …

Highway robbery me thinks …

*** *** *** ***

I’ve been having dental issues. And dental issues cost money. And having no insurance past Ram Q, for prescriptions, we pay out of pocket for everything else.

There is a dental clinic within the I.D.T.C. department where I see my HIV doc. So I called the clinic yesterday and they gave me the number. I called and then spent two days playing phone tag. I got a call just before the meeting from the dentist who agreed to see me. Then she told me how much it was going to cost …

Cue the groaning machine … $100.00 UGH …

Now we have to find the funds because I have been on a steady dose of Advil for a couple of weeks and I have an appointment on Thursday.

Let us Pray …

Set up was quick and painless. Our chair read from A.B.S.I. #44

“Daily Acceptance”

“Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are…”

It took me a long time to understand how this works.

First we learn about Powerlessness. Over people, places and things.

We also learn that “Nothing, Absolutely Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.”

And finally that “Acceptance is the KEY to ALL my problems.”

And then we have to square all these axioms in our present condition. Easier said than done.

I had to come to the point that old pain was dimmed enough that I eventually became indifferent to it. And that the past is just the past. It carries no weight in today and has no place in the future.

As we rise, we say our prayers, (we are supposed to do that,) and we turn our day over to God. Usually the Third Step Prayer suffices.

I have no control over anything or anyone during my day. BUT I am responsible for my words, actions and reactions.

I cannot change anyone else but me.
I can’t change the outcomes of situations.
And for me Expectations are a no no …

I do what I can every day to help someone else. I work to be present for my friends far and wide. And I take care of me. Because when I do that, I can then take care of other folks.

*** *** *** ***

Why are brilliant people plagued by self doubt, self loathing and self hatred?

Is it their ego? Or that they cannot be perfect? Perfection is so outdated.

I feel so terrible when I hear that someone is in the dumps. How can someone be so brilliant, and hate themselves so hard? I just do not understand.

So I do what I can. I try to fill the vessel with light and love.

That’s the best I can do.

My other guy is graduation on Monday Morning and I found out that an old time friend who moved to the U.S. to teach will be here for the graduating class Monday afternoon. So we hooked up earlier to plan a get together while he is here.

So that’s exciting.

It was a full day, a good meeting, a sand end, but everybody is sober another day.

So that is something to be grateful about.

More to come, stay tuned …

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