Sunday Sundries … Bonne Fete !

tumblr_nc94h6NGkN1sjk4zzo1_500 sk8erboyeuCourtesy: Sk8erboy EU

It has been a beautiful weekend. A little on the warm side, but tolerable.

A couple of weeks ago when we dropped into single digits, I figured that that was going to be the trend, so I crated the A.C. for the winter. Well, that did not last very long, and temps rose into the high twenties with humidexes in the 30’s.

It was getting too warm to sleep and the heating of the day roasted the apartment. So on Friday, I un-crated the A.C. and hung it back in the bedroom and put plastic back over the hole, so we have had the a.c. on all weekend.

A friend of mine who lives in Southern Ontario posted a tweet that it was going to SNOW down there tomorrow !! We are going to see rain for the next couple of days, with temps in the low to mid teens.

Where we are situated geographically on the map usually protects us from weather tracking North of us, and what tracks South of us. That all depends on where the jet stream is on any given day.

I left a bit early because we were down several members tonight, and it was just me setting up. And when I got to the church and unlocked the door, there were decorations hung all over the place, and I was like SHIT, there is a function and nobody told me. Thinking I was going to have to either cancel or work around them, I stepped into the hall, which was also decorated with a valentine’s theme, one of the church supers was waiting for me. The party was over, and he wanted to tell me that there was food left over for the meeting, as they were preparing to leave. “crisis averted!”

I cranked it out and went outside to enjoy the evening and people watch. Our corner is dog walking heaven. The church yard is large and many folks walk their dogs on this stretch of land. The communal poop can is on the property so we see lots of traffic night and day.

It is the last Sunday of the month, so we read Tradition Nine.

“A.A. as such, ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.”

Most words of advice, in the program, are just “merely suggestions.” The fellowship serves millions of people, from one solitary office in New York. I am involved at the group level, as a G.S.R, group service representative for the area we are in. And I do service at several groups I attend.

Someone has to open the door. To set up chairs and tables, and most importantly, make coffee.

Each group is autonomous. And we have simple organizations to make sure all the jobs are covered so that we can do what we must, and that is to welcome the newcomer. I know almost everyone I see at my meetings by name. I know their stories from what I have heard, which makes it much more important that I keep showing up, and when I can, do service to welcome them should they visit a meeting I go to.

There are jobs that must be done to insure a meeting operates smoothly. Someone needs to buy supplies, set up, make coffee, handle the 7th and such and so forth. Having opened a meeting fresh, I know that at bare minimum it needs people to form a group, and in our last case, it took $300.00 to open a meeting.

Someone had to foot that bill, pay the rent, buy all the supplies, AND a cabinet to put it all in when all is said and done. And that does not happen on its own. So each group, in and of themselves is a minor organization, put together to serve one purpose, to work with the newcomer, and anyone else who shows up.

When I got sober this last time, when I joined my home group, there were rules set out by the group, and to an extent, some of those rules still exist, as in, time limits to do certain jobs. The first job is chairs and tables, then followed by coffee. Anyone can do that. Usually three months is the time limit for 12 step rep. And a year sobriety to chair meetings. Most groups in our city are governed by simple rules that people follow, just because. It is the way you work yourself into a group.

You can’t transmit something you haven’t got … by the book.

Nobody can tell another what to do, and each meeting has its rhyme and reason. I’ve said before, what you do outside the hall is your business. Once you step over the threshold, we are all equal, serving one purpose, to reach out to and to welcome the newcomer.

That is why we suggest you join a home group and stick and stay. That will be the best investment of your time and talent. Finding your seat, having a job that you do every week, as jobs are rotated on a monthly basis, everyone gets a turn to do something. Which is also why we suggest the twenty minute rule as well … come twenty minutes early and stay twenty minutes after…

That is prime opportunity to work with others, network and to get phone numbers.

There are all kinds of things we do to serve our community. Little rules, that are not really rules, but again, merely suggestions. Rooms are life. People are the most important aspect of a meeting. And once you get into the rhythm everything falls into place.

Some have balked at the rooms, and what they do, opting for their own ideas and preconceived notions. But given a chance, and a little time in the room, you will learn that what we most care about is YOU.

Because without YOU there is no US.

And if there is no US there definitely can be no WE.

And the program is based on that most important word … WE !!!

From the top down, and side to side, each group is simply, optimally, organized to serve the greater WE at large. It all begins with WE.

Without you there can be no WE.

More to come, stay tuned …

Friday – Dependence Healthy or Not ?

tumblr_n8awedCgkN1s25jg6o10_500Courtesy: Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho

Another week has gone. Slowly the sunsets will come earlier and earlier. The trees are beginning to turn, but not as brightly as they should just yet. It is still early.

There comes a time when we need to let people be who they are and to allow them their process. There is a point when one says, choose your battles wisely, and know when to remain quiet.

All I can say for myself is that my life is hundreds of times better than I had ever expected, God has done what I could not do for myself. And I have nothing but gratitude for the people in my life today.

On Thursday night we read “Gratitude in Action,” The story of the founder of the program in Quebec in 1944. This year is the Seventieth Anniversary of that beginning. When you read the book through as we have been doing for the last year of Sunday’s, a common occurrence happens.

When the program began and the book was written, there was a question about how were we going to pay for it, and how were we going to get it out to the suffering alcoholic?

Little by slowly, people stepped out of the shadows all over North America. In cities like Akron, Cincinnati, Montreal, and cities far and wide, people began to contact the General Service Office in New York City. And a letter would begin the interaction, and a response would take place. The book would be sent and another human being was helped to get sober.

In each city the same thing happened. Once a rapport was achieved, the original first contact would get a package of letters from people (in their town or city) that had been written to N.Y.C, for help.

From that contact, each garden blossomed, like mushrooms in the dirt. There were so many letters at G.S.O that the possibility of answering all those letters was slim, so as cities came online, they were able to serve those people who so needed help.

We know where the house sits today in Montreal, where it all started, for both the English and French side. I know men who knew the founder, There are a few old timers who can still tell the tale. This year, at our convention in November, the family of the founder will speak and a celebration of the 70th anniversary will take place.

I missed last Friday night, so I left early to make my transit. I don’t know about you but, some of our bus drivers have issues. At my bus pickup there were several buses sitting in the bay. Their drivers sitting across the street at the depanneur (local store) smoking and talking amongst themselves. Several buses went by us while the queue got longer. Finally a bus came off a run after dropping its passengers and took the run. While the other buses sat there unoccupied.

Tonight’s read A.B.S.I… Dependence, healthy or Not ?

From birth was are dependent on our parents to feed us, change us and keep us safe and teach us about life. I never wanted for anything. I had everything a young person could want or ever need. It was not about riches or being better than another. Interspersed with all the goodness were times of terrible badness. All part and parcel of growing up in my home.

It’s funny, retrospectively, how things and people and situations can turn on a dime.

A label get applied, a sickness takes place, and voila, shit happens.

People are going to do what they are going to do. And sometimes we are on the end of receiving something bad. Funny, that, in life, how easily people who we are supposed to depend on for love, guidance and support, fail and fail badly.

But it had happened that as people fell away, unable to cope or not wanting to deal, others stepped in and became not only reliable, but dependable. When the chips fall badly, you really get to see what people are really made of and just how much you really mean to them.

When I moved away from home, I wasn’t yet dependent on alcohol. But it became clear to me, with the advice of a mentor that alcohol was going to do for me what I could not do for myself. And I did not know any better, and I should have.

It is the same story – across my life when it came to the drink. And as time went on, it only got worse. There is a fine line that is crossed when dependence becomes delusion.

When I got sick many years ago, if you did not get it fast, someone and something to rely on, humanly and medically, death was a sure bet. I was not wealthy, by any means. It was just me. And I depended on the system, and on people, to help me survive.

Let me tell you that being dependent on a system or a person for your survival is the lowest form of torture.

I learned quickly. I could go from mild mannered human to Cast Iron Bitch in sixty seconds when necessary. When someone tells you that they are going to do something for you, and doesn’t, heads will roll, if they fail to keep up on their words.

Coming off my slip, the system told me where I would live, who would bring me food, who would help me pay my bills, and where I would get all that money to pay for medication that I sure as shit could not afford all on my own. And drinking was not helping. Having to choose between paying rent, buying food, paying for medication and drinking was difficult. Until I took my last drink.

The other variables did not change. I just removed the alcohol.

That is dependence in the worst way. The system expects you to die quickly and not survive. At least that is what they think, but won’t tell you that directly, but it is implied.

I’ve said before that the how and why I got here was divinely inspired. When I turned it over, God moved heaven and earth for me. And that was the most freeing act I have ever felt. I had felt that freedom once before, and it lasted for a while. So I knew what it felt like.

I got here and got connected. I met all the right people. I’ve depended on my friends and fellows like I’ve never been so dependent on anything else in my life, besides God to begin with. As hard as I was dependent on alcohol and drugs at one time, I was equally dependent on sobriety and the people involved.

Everything I have, Everyone I know, Every gift I have received, came from the rooms directly. My life, my marriage and my husband came from the rooms. Marriage is an act of dependence. I depend on my husband and he depends on me. When we met, it was a spiritual connection. When we spoke our vows before family and God, we spoke our dependence on God and each others.

Dinner break …

They put brand new signage on the mall at Alexis Nihon Plaza, and tonight they turned on the new L.E.D. lights very flashy ! It will be nice for Christmas.

They say, in the rooms that, if you put anything, people, places or things before God, it will be a foregone conclusion, that you will loose them.

I’ve learned that lesson, and many others have as well.

Marriage is a union of two people. God plays a central role in my life and our lives. And I learned how to do that by the examples of the many men and women I know today. The women do it far better than the men do. What I know so far, came from them. And I’ve worked very hard to help my guys do it well, as well.

Going to meetings is not an addiction transference. We go to meetings because they give us life and teach us how to live soberly, in a world that revolves around the addiction to things, drugs, alcohol, money, personality, celebrity and so on.

If you want to learn about how to live life soberly, to get around slippery places, I suggest you pick up a copy of Living Sober. That will kill any ill conceived expectations you might have about coming to the rooms.

When the meeting starts and we take that moment of silence, listening to my friends pray in unison is such a wonderful sound. This night is unlike all other nights, however every meeting begins the same way, it just feels differently on Friday’s.

Our men and women come to hear each other. We depend on each other to help us, to hear us, to support us, and to celebrate with us. And we do that in spades.

It was an awesome night. I am very grateful.

More to come, stay tuned …

Tuesday … So Many Words to Say

tumblr_ly4f173sus1qcv34vo1_500 flickr joshuauhl terminal 2Courtesy: Joshua Uhl – Flickr – Terminal 2

You never know when a little gift will appear out of nowhere and makes it all possible !

The Canadian Government has addressed the recent call to kill unbelievers by terrorists. To the extent that Citizens who have left the country to fight along side them, and there are many, their passports have been revoked. In addressing public safety, we are told that the governments eyes and ears are open, and that we are safe. Montreal has always been a safe city. But with this round of violence in the world, one never knows. Let Us Pray …

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I want to address something that took place on another blog I read from Far Far Away …

A.A. is a place for people who think they have a problem with drinking. As per the Traditions, A.A. has no opinion on outside issues. Many people suffer from depression and other assorted illnesses, that must be treated with proper medical treatment and supervision.

There is a fine line between abusing prescription drugs, and taking them properly as directed.

Members, for the most part, are NOT doctors. I’ve never met a medical doctor in the rooms in all my years. Many of us suffer from depression in and out of sobriety. And many of us take pills to treat that depression, on top of that I myself take a handful of pills for my HIV twice a day.

I’ve been in a few scrums with militant members on the topic of medical treatment and for some, their take that sobriety and clean time is contingent on the fact that we either take or choose not to take our medication as directed.

IF YOUR SPONSOR OR ANY OTHER MEMBER TELLS YOU TO STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION, OR TELLS YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT SOBER OR THAT YOU CANNOT MAINTAIN SOBRIETY WHILE TAKING MEDICATION, YOU CAN PROPERLY TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF.

Nobody has the right to tell you what to do with your own body when it comes to your health and well being. NOBODY ! Medicinal treatment is an OUTSIDE issue.

This discussion has been going around with many of my friends as of late. Too many people suffer in silence because of the stigma of mental illness, depression, and myriads of emotional problems. We are all humans who deserve to live good and healthy lives, and if that health is contingent on medical treatment, you take the treatment and those who would beg to differ fuck em …

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Any Harry Potter fan will know the genius of Hermione Granger. And most of you may have heard about the HE FOR SHE campaign for Gender Equality. Emma Watson, gave an impassioned speech at the United Nations recently. Her speech was lampooned and derided and some even went as far as to tear her apart online and on social media for her desire to see gender equality and her call to the men and boys of the world to take the pledge to support women, where ever they may be, around the world, to help them achieve gender equality across the board.

As for myself, I made my pledge to the cause earlier today making myself Man #79,536 …

Join the cause : He For She.Org

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This morning we got a little gift, which took me out and about to run assorted errands and some shopping here and there. The IGA has a run on coffee, needless to say, coffee has become a major food group for some, so many of us have been buying multiple cans of coffee to put in storage as we need them. We don’t usually get this chance, coffee being so cheap. Many of the meetings I open for have spent considerable cash buying tins.

I needed a new Under Armour jersey to wear with my Germany Team Jersey. I went to the Sports Experts at the mall, and was pleasantly surprised that a good number of the shirts were 50% off, regularly $60.00 a piece. File that one in the WIN column.

I did a good supermarket Safari and got coin for laundry. I figured while the getting was good, I better cover all my bases so I don’t have to go back and forth between here and the store over and over.

Hubby got home a little before I had to leave, which meant I did not have to charge my card with tickets, since he has a monthly pass. I left a little early and already, the sun is setting a little earlier, because it was coming dark by the time the meeting got started, and we used overhead lights instead of a lamp we have because our bulb blew …

We split up the read on Step Four tonight.

I haven’t actually read this step in a while, and many things jumped out at me. I don’t remember doing this step, the first time I got sober. But I do remember my first fourth Step when I got connected here when I was sober a number of months.

It was a long and drawn out process. I wrote pages and pages. In order to stay sober, say some, you need to do a fourth. Many who attempt a fourth in early sobriety, without proper support, drink again. I saw that happen on a number of occasions, in consecutive Twelve Step Intensives.

You start a group of 25 to 30 men or women for that matter.

Everybody is excited to start. By Step three, people start getting ancy and agitated. We lost at least half our men in number when we hit the fourth step. Many of them drank again because the thought of writing it all down was terribly scary.

That happened each time I sat in an intensive.

This time I worked my Fourth with my sponsor of Thirty years. He is working HIS fourth step with his sponsor as I work mine with him. This weekend he is going to Vermont to do his Fifth, and I will do mine soon after.

I think I have learned a lot about my life and how I lived it now that I have been sober for this period of time. Each time you do a fourth, it gets easier. The farther you get from your last drink, and the more you grow up, because the book talks about the man who is still drinking, never grows up until he puts down the drink, the more insight you have into your own life and the life of others.

I get it, I grew up in an alcoholic family. What happened happened. Nobody ever said the word alcoholic, and no excuses were given for what went down, the way we were treated, or the way people acted. We just chalked it up to our lot as family members of an active alcoholic.

I understand now the role I played in people’s lives. I was educated in the drink, but my transgressions were dealt with very heavily. What my parents got away with in their alcoholism, did not happen when I started drinking. They picked apart every decision, they picked apart my life, and punished me for making life – survival – decisions, in sobriety.

When I moved away, it was just me. The only connection I had to home was the car I drove and almost lost because of my drinking. That was  HUGE strike one on me. Thankfully, I did not get to strikes two and three.

Oh wait … I did. Strike two – I was Gay. Strike Three – I am HIV+ …

There were a couple of extra strikes when I made life decisions and moved here. That would be strikes four and five.

From the eyes I have today, I can see why my steps went the way they did in early sobriety. And that kind of insight only comes with time. Lots of time, patience and self appraisal.

I had a really great conversation with a friend tonight prior to the meeting about family, tradition, faith and how that all works in our favor. I see some who have such wonderful family traditions. They practice faith because of tradition. They might not necessarily believe in God, or if there is a God, but they believe in a tradition, in relatives; fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers.

What is handed down traditionally, is so powerful in our lives.

You can’t force anyone to believe in God. And you can’t force the book, and its words, down any ones throats either. But if you gently speak to tradition and of family and of faith, the door is eased open just a bit. I encourage my folks in this respect, and hopefully, one day, their light will shine.

At least that is my hope. One day at a time.

More to come, stay tuned …

ISIS audio urges Muslims everywhere to kill ‘unbelievers’

tumblr_m187ytnKBN1r3fvxmo1_500 thedarkblueCourtesy: CBC News Online

… Should we be afraid? Is public security at risk? Better to be safe than sorry. Be mindful of people around you and in open spaces …

In an audio recording distributed widely on social media Sunday, Islamic extremist group ISIS urged Muslims globally to launch attacks on civilians in member countries of a U.S.-led coalition opposed to their violent spread through areas of Syria and Iraq.

In the nearly 42-minute long meandering propaganda speech uploaded to Twitter, ISIS spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani encourages Muslims to kill “disbelievers” in countries, including Canada, currently supporting American and French-backed military action against the group in Iraq “in any manner.”

“If you can kill a disbelieving American or European — especially the spiteful and filthy French — or an Australian, or a Canadian, or any other disbeliever from the disbelievers waging war, including the citizens of the countries that entered into a coalition against the Islamic State … kill him in any manner or way however it may be,” said Adnani.

Threats made in the audio recording mirror those ISIS has made in other propaganda releases, including during the grisly beheading videos of two American journalists, James Foley and Stephen Sotloff, and British aid worker David Haines.

Adnani blamed Western allies for instigating a war against the terrorist group, and said the ongoing air incursions against ISIS positions in Iraq will be “the final campaign of the crusaders.”

Unlike other terrorist organizations such as al-Qaeda, ISIS has established a widespread presence on social networks, using highly produced videos and audio recordings in an effort to recruit new fighters from abroad and intimidate those opposed to their murderous agenda

God, You Have a Plan, RIGHT ?

maybeThe week came to an end, uneventfully. There were meetings and people, and everybody is good. I kinda dropped into a funk Friday, and took the night off, since it is the only night that I don’t have to do anything, or be responsible for putting on a meeting. I was not feeling all of myself, and if I can borrow a phrase … I was in the “lurgy!” Just feeling Blah and lethargic. I slept the balance of the weekend away. Sometimes my body just needs to sleep, and when that happens, I have no choice but to listen. That comes with the territory.

I departed early tonight to get coffee, which is on sale for a couple more days. We’ve been scooping up multiple cans of coffee for all the meetings in this area. IGA is good for cheap coffee, since my Costco shopper has been MIA for a awhile.

We sat a good crowd. We read “Gutter Bravado” from the Big Book, pg. 501.

We read the whole circle, but did not get back around before time was called.

We sit a good bunch of young people at this meeting. All of them are at different stages. The constant is that they keep coming back, no matter what. They’ve all decided to come for the solution, and that if they come, eventually the path will open.

The story tonight says many things …

  • “Sobriety is about the journey and not the destination.”
  • 3 Words of the Twelve Steps continue, improve, practice
  • Humility is the Key

I picked up on a few things from the read, and a clear picture opened up in my brain as soon as I closed my book. Our writer spoke about his drinking as like a musician, “Practice, Practice, Practice.”

He tells the story of growing up in the Mid West in the 1960’s and visiting the West Coast and how enamored he was with it. He talks about school being a futile effort and then he decided to strike out West, where he quickly devolved into a hobo.

He wasted a good portion of his young life sunk in the bottle and other assorted drugs and such. I could identify with a stretch in the story. I came from an alcoholic home. And my parents used to green light us, drinking at home, they rather preferred us drinking at home than outside.

My drinking picked up in High School, to the extent that at the end of that run, I could have failed out of high school, had it not been for the hand of providence and the truth. I can see, looking back that it began with beer, as long as it was available. We threw in the odd bottle of hard liquor when we could get it. You could say, quite easily, that I spent a few years practicing my drinking before leaving home.

I had to go, and never thought about staying. Nobody offered me another option. And at that point, I did not know what was good for me. I had some good jobs, that paid well, and I did well in them. But the theme was alcohol. And nobody ever said Stop …

If you are a young person, my warning is simple. Don’t waste your young life sunk in a bottle or on drugs. Young people cannot contemplate sobriety early in life because, how would they live without it, until it becomes a problem and the need to be led out of that mine field.

A young life, barely out of the starting gate of life is better off clean and sober. Yes, we all have to have some drinking history, but it is proven that many young people have found their way to us, because it got too bad for them. I don’t know what my life would have turned out like or where I would be right now today, had I gotten sober when the very first warning flag went up. But like I said, I was too dumb, too stupid or too drunk to care, and nobody said STOP.

That is the most important word … STOP !!

I needed to hear it from someone else, because left to my own devices, I did not stop nor would I have stopped. I would have killed myself with the drink rather than facing the music of AIDS so many years ago.

Todd saved my life. And I am forever grateful to him for that life he saved.

I was in a middle class family. But the thought that they would assist in paying for college was a far stretch. I got a years scholarship for junior college, which I used up. But getting any farther was pointless, because One, I didn’t have the grades and Two, I could not afford it.

I grew up, decided that to be myself I had to move away, and the adventure of moving to a new place, only lasted for so long. A few months earlier, I visited Orlando and some new friends I had made. They lived in a certain apartment complex just down the road from the Tragic Queendom.

I loved the complex and set forth the idea that I must live there as well. And that is exactly where I ended up. I barely had the money to afford it, I had a job, that did not go very far, because I was drinking away my car payments, rent and bills. I was terribly woefully ill prepared to be responsible for myself. I was not ready, and nobody stopped me, so I guess silence gives consent.

When I got sick in 1994, Todd said STOP and THAT was ENOUGH. For the first time I got a stab at responsibility and peace of mind. So lets say I began drinking at an early age, (my teens) and stopped for the first time at twenty six. I was on the wagon for a few years.

When I came back the second time I was in my mid thirties. Too old to be young, and too stupid, sunk in the visions of a delusional mind. I was just hanging on. When I made that decision to stop, God stepped in and my life took a turn for the better.

Now almost thirteen years later, I never imagined that my life could be this good, that I would be where I am, with the people I want in my life and the partner I always wanted to have. We all have to trod our own paths. I know that had ONE day changed in the past, had one thing changed along the journey, I probably would not have arrived here and live this life I am living.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.

Some folks are not meant to be in our lives forever. You never know when the lesson is going to happen. I must have missed the warning signs, or was too stupid and drunk to realize they were there, but I didn’t care about anything that getting my next drink, in my twenties … FUCK !!!

It did not take long for alcoholism to get its grubby hooks into my soul.

I was fucked from the word Go !!!

Thank God I did not die along the way.

A friend of mine had lunch with a friend who is wanting to make it in, but hasn’t yet. And she came to the meeting and said to us all, what a grace it was to be in that conversation, but she had a question for God … “You have a plan, right ???”

There is a plan. It is not mine. It will become yours once you make that decision. I can’t tell you how it works, or why it works, or what it will do for you. You only need to decide you want a solution, and as soon as you do, heaven will shift and take you in, and put you on the best journey of your life,

GUARANTEED !!!

All is well. We celebrated a cake. Lots of happy sober people.

More to come, stay tuned …

It’s Authentic … Does the Happy Dance

mario 2The great thing about online purchases, is waiting for them to get here.

Canada Post has been cutting service, and combining package and mail delivery to one person instead of two. Back in the day, we had early day delivery. One guy with packages, who would actually bring them to your door, instead of leaving them downstairs, or sadly, leave you just a slip for pickup at a local drop spot. The other would deliver our mail to the building. We got word a few weeks ago about the mail cutback. We have a package delivery sheet outside in the vestibule, but it is a pointless piece of paper.

I have been noticing that the mail does not come until after hours for some strange reason. The office is already closed for the day, so packages go undelivered or a drop slip is left. Last night the mail came after 6 p.m. And today it came late as well.

My copy of “I Heard the Owl Call My Name” came along with my Mario Gotze #19 Germany jersey. I was afraid that it would not be original or come from a far flung place in the world. But no, it was a genuine Adidas Jersey with the original tags attached, and in my size. Such a Sweet Deal !!!

Once again, EBAY did not disappoint !!!

It was a tad bit warmer the past two days. And the rain stayed away tonight, which was a good thing.

Last night I went to a G.S.R. meeting with a friend (General Service Rep).

Cabot Square is all torn up, all the grass is gone, the trees are all bundled for protection from construction, They are doing something funky at the kiosk entrance on our corner, a huge trench is dug and a coffer dam was erected to keep the earth around it from falling into the pit. Rumor has it they are re-purposing the kiosk with restrooms down below ground level.

The regular bus stops are all discombobulated and moved to the Tupper Street approach. Before stops were located all around the periphery of the park. It is said that reconstruction will take a year, UGH !!!

I made my transit well and cranked it out and made coffee and sat outside the church for a bit before folks started turning up. Once again we sat a good group. New faces and our core group of attendees. Tonight we read Step Three from the Twelve and Twelve.

I always tell the same story of meeting God incarnate when I got sick, and how he moved in my life and what I have learned in these past twelve years and some odd months. In the book, it talks about “electricity” how it is there, all the time, and how we depend on it for survival. We can’t see it, but it is there. In some ways, God is all around us, but some can’t seem to find Him, or, they just can’t conceptualize Him, or they can’t wrap their heads around turning it over to Him.

I look at some of our newcomers. One especially. She struggles around God. But at the same time, she has a faith in God in the religions of her father and mother. She sees God there, and she prays and goes to Temple, but when she walks in the room, there is an evident disconnect.

So I was thinking on the way out that she keeps coming back. She likes the group, those in the group and what we have to share every week. And for an hour a week, she climbs the same stairs we do, gets her coffee and takes her same seat, and she let’s go … I don’t know if it makes sense that she is letting it go when she comes, but it evident in the way she speaks.

You can’t push someone into belief. It has to come organically. Watching others begin their journey, is a spiritual experience. The best place to see God move is in a meeting. It is a privilege and a grace to share this time with our fellows.

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

It was a good night. Everybody is good. The weather is holding.

More to come, stay tuned …

Sunday Sundries … Brrr It’s Cold !!!

tumblr_mrh2a45JQ31rydszfo1_500 iheefzCourtesy: Iheefz

It is another single digit night, with a low coming in tonight of (5c). Last night, it was very chilly.

In weeks time, the temperatures have dropped considerably and a friend commented tonight

“Where the fuck did September go?”

We usually get to the end of September before we hit single digits, but that is not the case here right now. I decided last night to crate the A.C. for another winter. We actually turned the heat on to take away the chill last night.

The Sun tossed earth huge C.M.E’s but we here in Quebec, well, most probably, Montreal, did not get to see any auroras. But many in Canada did get to see them. It was clouded over, overnight both Friday and Saturday night.

It was a quiet weekend, and it was interesting last night, when we went to bed, there was no background hum of the A.C. Just the sounds of the streets rising into the tower.

I set off uber early to work with a friend on a new blog project. That is always fun, trying new things, and seeing what WordPress has to offer new writers. It was all too much to try and fit into a 90 minute consult. Finding the right theme, with the right perks takes time and patience. Knowing what you want the blog to do, is key, then you find a theme and template to match.

WordPress offers a huge amount of choices.

I have been using the same template and interface for many years. I have tweaked my site for optimum efficiency. If you go and make a serious changes with a new template, then you have to go back and redo everything that you had done already for a new space. That takes too much time, and I don’t need that kind of headache.

We got to the church on time, having walked up the block from Second Cup, and cranked it out and made coffee. It was a good crowd. Some new faces, and good discussion.

We read the story “A Vision of Recovery.”

We will soon be at the end of the book before too long.

I listened to the read, and I kind of trolled off topic, since a handful of folks started a tangent thought, so I fed off that for my contribution.

The same themes come up, but I took notice of “Insanity, Promises, Words and Higher Power.”

The insanity of the fact that, it is never just one, there is always more. The promises we make to people in our lives, namely family, that always get broken. I was reminded of what my father always said to me … “Be careful the words you speak, because once you speak them, you can never take them back.” And finally, finding a higher power, or a concept of one.

In the story our man is in the deep end of the pool, not knowing what to do, either attend a neighbors party and drink again, call his sponsor, who did not answer his call, or call on God to help.

He chooses the latter saying, “Well I guess it’s just you and me bud!”

He survives that night, and eventually gets into a meeting and sobers up.

The story ends with two years of sobriety, and his mention of working his Eighth Step.

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

I’ve said before that my steps have been incomplete since the day I got sober, because of extenuating circumstances. You can’t make amends to someone who does not want to be in your life, for reasons well out of your control.

You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends, and create the family that you want.

Many people I know, in the rooms, have done just that. We’ve all build our family out of our fellows, male and female. Sometimes you need to detach from people, places and things that do not serve you anymore. In sobriety we grow up, sadly, some people on the outside, do not …

I can’t compete with some of the words spoken to me by family. It’s funny, my father thought that he was the fount of wisdom, and that every words he uttered, advisory or not, was to be obeyed and never questioned.

Sadly, he spoke words, but did not heed them himself.

I remembered those words. So you could say that I was an alcoholic, who did not speak. Rather, I acted. And they say that actions speak louder than words. My actions probably screamed, and I am paying for those actions to this day.

We all grow up. And move into our adulthood’s and lives. There will be people who may not necessarily agree with your choices and the way we choose to grow up. And I’ve learned that expecting someone (read: Family) to grow up and understand is one expectation too many.

Especially when you hear the words …”If either your father or me die, no one will call you and no one will tell you where we are buried.”

Be careful the words you speak, because once you speak them, you can never take them back.

Sadly, she did not heed those word either.

Another week is upon us. It will be a great week, because I will get presents in the mail.

Everybody is sober another night.

More to come, stay tuned …