It is Christmas Eve. It is 9c outside. And tomorrow is going to be a very Green Day. But, there is light at the end of this very warm tunnel, the SNOW is COMING beginning on Sunday next.
The holidays are here. And it can be a very tough time of it, these two weeks, Christmas and New Years. Having come in during the month of December, I learned early on, just how hard it can be getting sober in the month of December.
I had two weeks on the holiday because I came in in early December and I had a couple of weeks before I was tossed into the deep end of the pool. It was Christmas Eve 2001, I was getting sober, in Miami, the city where I got sober the first time. I was coming back from a major slip, and I was hiding on the beach, hoping against hope that none of my old friends on the mainland would know I was back in or that I had even come back.
So Christmas Eve comes, and friends said, hey let’s go to Poinciana, on the mainland, over by the airport, for their late night meeting. You know alcoholics, they know everything, And news travels fast. And someone is always there.
I walked into that candle lit room and wouldn’t you know it, a bunch of old friends were there. I was embarrassed and my self esteem was shot. And you know that look you sometimes get from some folks? That look of pity, of sorrow, that “look at the poor sod, come back from a slip that almost killed him,” look !
I wanted to melt into the floor.
The next day was Christmas and sober friends invited me to their house for Christmas dinner and a meeting there. I was not alone, and I mattered to them. It was important to them that I was alive, sober, and that I mattered.
Everybody matters. And we do things for friends, to make sure they know that they matter and that they are not alone. Meetings are open on the holidays, we cook for friends, and everybody has a place to go, even if they don’t know it.
Knowing myself, that I have family that does not care where I am, or that I am even alive, or care in any way, for my welfare or life is a bitter pill, but that’s ok.
I can go either way right now.
I could get bitter and maudlin, or I can decide to remember that I matter to people here. That I have family here. That it really doesn’t matter what it was like, it matters that I am here right now.
Tonight, a young woman from the Thursday meeting spoke. She is not from here, has no family here, they are all back in the UK.
But she knew what to do, three years in now.
She’s learned what to do in times like these. You go to meetings, even if you don’t want to, you go anyways. Because we care about you. And we are family to a great many people. We are the community that gives back to anyone and everyone.
We sat a little group tonight, but the fact remains that the Thursday meeting has been there, open and present for more than sixty years, in that little church hall.
Tonight was no different. We showed up because that is what we do.
And tonight, we were there for our young lady, so that again tonight, she wasn’t alone.
Funny that. Where ever you go, anywhere in the world, we have ready made family willing to be present, willing to listen, willing to share time, space and holidays together.
Hubby returned from Ottawa this afternoon with a suitcase full of goodies and gifts. I had cleaned the apartment, put the leaf in the table and cleaned up the fridge, and gutted my turkey for baking tomorrow.
I broke a wine bottle that was full of rock salt, that we got last Christmas that we never used, on the floor, and there was salt all over the carpet, and it took me half an hour to vacuum up the shit off the floor.
UGH, God give me strength.
I had candles lit and it smelled like pine, the house was ready to go, HGTV was on which is still on at this hour. I’ve put a serious embargo on crime, politics, war, and death. If it doesn’t matter to Canada, or our lives, it ain’t on the tv.
Tomorrow we have guests for dinner, and a Friday night to ourselves, Baby mama and the baby are in New Foundland, and everybody has someplace to go tomorrow, and I don’t have to be anywhere till Saturday night.
I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas.
More to come, stay tuned…