It is FREAKING COLD outside. We have had several days with minus TWENTY c temps. Right now, at this hour, it is ( -20c with a wind chill of -30c ). Cold is one thing, but add wind to that equation and things go downhill very quickly.
Cities all over, are having to work overtime, making sure the homeless in our city and in other cities, Canada wide, have some place to go. Sadly, we find that some folks do not take kindly, to human kindness, and they insist on braving the cold outside, and not going to a shelter or a Hot Spot.
Yesterday, I went to the store to find a card for hubby. I picked the first one up and read it through, but not far enough. It had what I wanted, so I took it. When the checkout girl tried to ring it up, it did not want to scan, because the card was not in the system, so she had to enter it manually. I should have known then, something was wrong with the card.
I got home and set it aside for later. Before I went to bed I went to sign the card, and it was then that I read it all the way through, and at the bottom of the words was the phrase, “Merry Christmas!!!” Fuck me, I had bought a Christmas Card that was still on the shelf in February ….
Thank God for White Out …
A couple of swishes and it was just another card. Problem solved.
We sat a small group tonight. What better place to feel loved and part of, on the manufactured personal Holiday, to make you feel terrible for being single, but in a meeting. That’s one really good thing about the rooms. We are open all the time, holidays and regular days. Once you cross the threshold, you are not alone.
I have a friend who has been going through a tough time, as of late, having to move house and restart his life. It has been quite emotional. So all the way through I have been Tweeting him daily, cheering him on and letting him know I was there.
He had said that he really did not want to hear happy happy Joy Joy, so I let him be for a few days, until the wave passed. Last night, he gave me his update, and sure enough he survived the move and was successful. And he thanked me for being his personal cheering squad.
I think it is good for everyone to have at least one person, in our corner, cheering us on, just because. Because you never know how much that is going to mean to someone who might need it, right when they need it.
Tonight we read from the Beginners Book again, and the read spoke about a man and his sponsor, who would ask him, when they met, “how do you feel inside?”
I know for me, feeling were something I had. Feelings made me feel better, scared me to death, almost drove me crazy, and sometimes, got me into real trouble. We did anything and everything not to feel. And now we are sober, we get to feel. And sometimes that can be overwhelming for many.
I related a story about when I came in this last time, how bad I was feeling, and how for the first two years, I wore a baseball cap, and a hoodie, and all I could do was stare at my shoes. I would come to a meeting or meet my therapist, and never look people in the eyes, because I was ashamed of myself. That lasted a long time.
It wasn’t until I hit the two year mark that someone noticed that I turned my ball cap around, and I had raised my head for the first time since getting sober. I began to feel better about myself.
We all have bad days, but the rooms persist in being there for everyone who comes. And we are never alone, good or bad, sad or happy. We sit together and we talk about how we feel, and listening to our friends, invariably, we get to feel better, inspite of what ever shit we are going through.
Yes, it is cold. But it is ok.
I know I am loved, and sometimes I wonder why I am blessed with someone who loves me the way he does, but he does. And today, that is enough.
Happy Valentines Day…