The lovely snow that fell on Friday night, is all but gone. We had, at least for a little while, one glorious night that was just perfect. It takes time to be able to appreciate the cold, and snow when it comes. Sometimes snow falls and it is just ok, then, other times snow falls, and it is glorious.
People are moaning about February, and their seasonal affective disorder, February is almost over, and in past years, it was so cold and bitter outside, (read: Arctic Vortex) that we did not venture outside for fear of frostbite.
This February has been remarkably much warmer than in past years. I was standing outside the church with a buddy tonight, and he remarked that it was a lot brighter, in that, the sun is going down later and later each night.
People are in need of “The Light.”
I’ve learned, as of late, how grateful I am that I have two hands. Because with my wrist injury, I am not totally proficient with my left hand. And I am having to make due with what I CAN DO with my injured hand, in addition to my left.
I went to my Saturday meeting last night, and I was having trouble putting on my duck boots, and my friends, without skipping a beat, spent the evening helping me into and out of my boots.
I felt like a fucking 5 year old not being able to put on his own shoes !
Little things have been cropping up quite regularly now, that have kept me in the middle of the boat, as in, “The Now.” I’ve become reliant on my friends, and each of them, in their own ways, have been there, because that is who they are.
Being reminded, often, that I am growing older, wares on my sensibilities. I try very hard to stave off the ageing process. I stopped dying my hair, and I’ve let it begin its eventual turn to grey/white. I keep it short enough that I have a little whisp of grey hair, that lends to my haircut.
Hearing my doctor say that “You might have osteoporosis” was something I was not quite ready to hear come out of his mouth. But I am pushing the half century mark, as it is, and I am not getting any younger.
This life of mine, IS in uncharted territory. I should not be here, yet I am here, and the medical profession, is learning, as I am learning, what it is like to have survived the AIDS years, and be still alive and pushing 50 …
Doctors are not sure of longevity. They do not know what the future is going to look like, and every day, still alive, is new. We are making our futures, ourselves.
Mortality and Longevity, reminders that this is the now, are usually two ideas that the basic human being does not ponder often, until they hit them themselves or loose someone they love. We are too busy making the money that isn’t ours, or will be spent on paying debts and taxes, and ending up with all too little of it.
Who has time to think ab0ut life and death, or how long one is going to live. Yes, we are all going to die one day, but for some of us, mortality is branded on our foreheads as constant reminders of our exact pinpoint location in the universe.
So tonight we read from the Beginners Book, for the final discussion week, and the chapter, “How is your Now.”
It was a great discussion, because every man and woman who sat with us tonight, was somewhere, in the now. One of my friends, who is sober a while, was working a job he hated, with dread every day, and last week he got fired …
Tonight, he admitted, honestly, that when they fired him, he did not panic or go crazy or want to drink, he was like YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS !!!
Thank God, I don’t have to go to that job tomorrow.
We hear repeated ideas like Staying in your day, Living in the moment, and anecdotes like: “We make plans and God laughs …”
Some folks can’t stand these simple rubrics yet they keep coming back for more each week. They just haven’t Let Go Absolutely !!
Lately I am reminded that I have certain work that must be done, people to see, and meetings to get to. I am also very aware of certain friends, have dropped off the proverbial radar, and it is not my job to chase them and baby sit them either.
If you are not in the game, then you are on your own. If you can’t put the time in or pick up the phone and do what you need to do, it isn’t my job to sit here and constantly remind you of that.
Winter is weeding out people from my life over the past month and I need to take care of me, but I also need my friends. And they know who they are and why they are important to me.
Simply put, You are either “In the Solution, or you are Not.” And sponsors are giving the same advice to all of us lately, we aren’t baby sitters. Get in the game and engage, or don’t. Some of my friends have all but given up on the game, resentments are the Number One offender, some of my friends didn’t get that memo.
I love my Now and the people in that Now.
A good night was had by all.