Another Sunday is upon us, And tonight’s 88th Oscars Show. The “White People’s Choice Award.” We hurried through our Sunday meeting so that Everyone could get back home in time for the show start.
Last week ended with a delivery from Down Under. My package took about two weeks in transit and arrived at the drop spot on Thursday evening. Everybody remarked how much they liked the red sneakers. I happen to agree.
Friday we sat together and talked about Responsibility. On the way there, just outside the hall, the sidewalk was permanently iced over, as of late, iced over sidewalks, and I do not get along. With my wrist wrapped up, I took a dive on the ice, and this time, I fell correctly, as in, not on my hand, and rolled across the sidewalk like a stone.
The month is at its end. But not before we celebrate a major milestone for one of my guys on Monday night. There will be cake …
As it is the last Sunday of the month, we covered Step Two. I asked a friend of mine to do the honors tonight, and he hit it out of the park. In asking a back bencher to participate in a meeting, he got to hear himself talk about steps, and his reflections on how he “came to believe.”
Some say that belief is an action, that you just don’t walk into a room, and BAM, get it all at once. God is the loaded word that so many people battle with. And I’ve seen that some of our young people, who have been battling, have disappeared from the meetings. And we have spent a great deal of time, with out friends, carrying them along and such.
Winter has not been kind to our numbers.
Like my friend tonight, as my slip progressed to the bitter end, I did not call on God to help me, until I was totally, FINISHED. I put down the drugs, and walked away, that was time and distance. I did not speak the name of God. I continued to drink, until I drank my last drink.
My delusions of acceptance through drinking did not materialize.
I was done. I knew I was done, I needed help, and only God would provide that help, So I prayed. Kind of Steps One, Two and Three all at once.
But tonight, I retunred to one theme that has been on my radar for the last few weeks, and I mentioned it again last night at the other meeting.
That idea of turning it over to a power greater than myself. And coming to believe that that power was going to do for me what I can not do for myself.
I, so easily, return to my diagnosis of AIDS, because if you want proof that there might be something bigger than us out there, and that God just IS, then you need look no further than myself.
When I get up in the morning, and I am still breathing, twenty two years later, when I should be dead already, God does exist. I met him in the flesh, He came to me, and saved me from utter death and destruction. He told me what to do, how to do it, and when. What ever power that came from God – read: Todd, embued me with life.
And so I walked forwards and I lived. But my freedom from addiction was not yet completed. I had to have one more kick at the can, so it seemed, not that I was testing God, because when I made that mistake, I did not even ponder the mightiness of God and what He had done for me.
I was blinded by addiction. Blinded from seeing and calling on God for help. Because there was no God in that moment, and no way out, so why bother ?
I survived that slip. Why ? I do not know why, I just did. Which leads me to believe that God had plans for me and that He was not done with me yet.
There is a God and I am not He.
Spend time with your friends in common spaces, for periods of time, and you too will see God for yourself, you just have to give it time. And a little open mindedness.
A pill is only as good as the power you put behind them. If you just take pills and HO HUM it all the way, you might get mediocre results, you might even survive and get better.
But when one learns that thought is powerful, and one learns how to redirect negative energy into positive pathways, your energy becomes endless.
One day after another, day after day, medication after medication, believing that everything is going to be alright, I learned that everything was going to be, and IS alright.
I don’t know where it comes from, or why me ?
I just know there is something bigger than me running this show. I don’t know where it comes from or why it is here, with me, but it is. Why has God chosen to be there for me is beyond me, because I am not all that special.
But He continues to bless me every day.
And for that I am eternally grateful.
Survival from a death sentence, reminds me daily, that If I take my life for granted, this, all of this, will be taken away.
There is no room for stupidity or ignorance at this stage of the game. Like I have said before, we are in uncharted territory, and doctors are watching me like a hawk.
More to come.