I know where I am going. I know where I have been. I know the way out, but I am not quite there yet. It’s like I am standing in front of the door of the church, and the door is closed at the moment, because it hasn’t been opened for me just yet.
There are steps I need to take, and people I need to meet and talk with, before that door is fully opened. I just need someone to talk to, someone to share with, someone who can be there and to listen.
I have heard the warning about “Disclosure,” that Heavenly Father will send the right people to us, when the time is right, and that we should not look to having conversations with people, who won’t necessarily accept or understand the finer details of the story I am living right now.
Right now, I have my sponsor who knows, I have my Elders who I have asked for help from, and for someone to talk to.
This afternoon, I had “The Discussion” with my best friend. He lives in another City, Ottawa, so he isn’t local, and if I want to see him, I have to go to him.
I had not really prepared what I was going to say to him, but I had an idea. I just was not sure that I would have the right words to explain all the details fully, or that I would be able to paint the right picture for him to look at.
He knows me, and he knows my story. We have spent months of Fridays sitting on his back patio, when he lived here, talking through a manuscript that, at one time, I thought would make a good book. I later decided that writing said book, was not a good idea, so I shelved it.
In my story outline were 5 threads. One of them is a Heavenly Father thread.
With that idea firmly sussed out between us, the story I told him made perfect sense. For over an hour we talked, and he did have valid questions, worries, concerns for my spiritual welfare, because he has seen me get burned before, and he does not want to see me get burned again.
He is walking with me. He gets it. It makes sense to him. And he supports this journey.
When I hung up the phone, I was emotionally and spiritually exhausted. In a good way though. I talked about my Testimony of Faith and The Atonement. I’ve studied the Plan for Salvation. Last night, I went over my scripture readings and I prayed.
I sent word to my Elders that I really wanted to know if there was someone who they knew who could be there to listen or to guide.
I listened to another story from Voices of Hope when I got home this evening.
I don’t have a map of the next steps. I don’t know what is going to happen. Or who is going to come into my life right now, to walk with me.
If there is anyone out there, who has time … Contact me. Please.
You know, I sent two emails out over the past week. Neither of them have been returned.
I have an odd story, I am where I am.
I also know that if I don’t hear Heavenly Father myself, that the next step is to go and listen to someone who knows Heavenly Father, because words might come from them.
He always finds a way …