Today was a really great day.
I take an hour, every day, to watch a Ted Talk, maybe Two, maybe Three, if I am on a roll.
I am still working to figure out what has happened to me, over these last number of months. I need to own my feelings. I need to tell you that you hurt me. I need to tell people that I no longer give a fuck, anything about them.
The rooms are not what they were years ago. And people are not who they once were either. That is disheartening. Because, isn’t the purpose of a room, to grow up, learn responsibility, accountability, and knowing one’s self ?
I got Fucked Over by friends. Or at least I thought they were friends.
I’ve grown up some more. And I own my feelings and emotions. I am no longer going to bury my feelings and smile at you and say … Oh, it’s all right, and I’m ok. Really !
I think we all need to own how we feel. And I think brutal honesty is good. I also believe that true authenticity is what I want of my life right now.
I know who I can trust today. I can name those friends quite easily.
Today was brought to you by: I Don’t Give a Fuck, and The Fuck It List.
Both of these thoughts came from Ted Talks I watched earlier in the day before I headed out for a commitment I made to a friend on Friday, last. I gave a talk on Step 11 to a new group, I’ve never been to before, and I heard a beautiful story from a beautiful young lady, I know as well.
I am continually learning about life and about myself. I’ve spent countless hours watching Brene Brown talk about Trust, Vulnerability, Shame and Guilt.
I feel raw and vulnerable. And I own that today. And now, I can look my fellows in the eye and say, NO, NOPE, Not Gonna Do it.
Some of my friends are now on the Fuck It List.
My Time, My Talent, and My Treasure are no longer going to be wasted, on people I don’t need in my life. Doing work for people who take advantage of my good will. And I am not doing anyone, any more favors, just because I am SOBER.
A friend I have, is in my life, because nobody else wants her. And I bent over backwards to help her over the last month. Time I did not have to give, yet I gave it any way.
She asked me to do something for her. Rent a moving truck, because I had time allotted to her. So I rented that truck, based on information SHE gave ME in a prior discussion.
I did rent that truck.
And she was not happy because she accused me of not hearing what she actually said, but I have notes to the contrary. And she scolded me for not getting it right.
That reservation is being held by MY credit card.
Today she did not call, but texted me the directions for the meeting, begging off that she could not meet me like we had previously arranged.
I have been spinning my wheels with anger and resentment at a handful of my friends because they are total DOUCHE BAGS.
I am De-cluttering my mental barn. I am giving myself permission to be certain of what I want in my life, who I want in my life and just what I am going to devote my time, talent and treasure to.
So FUCK IT.
- If you are doing for others because you feel obligated … Fuck It.
- If you are working a job you hate, that does not bring you joy … Fuck It.
- If you have people in your life whom you really don’t like … Fuck It.
- If you are doing shit, that you don’t like doing, WHY ??? Fuck It.
- Anything you don’t need to do any longer … Fuck It.
Your Time, Your Talent and Your Treasure need NOT be wasted on Assholes and Elbows.
Find your words, re-order your life and your priorities.
Just Say … I Don’t Give and Fuck any more.
FUCK IT !!!