Timber Hawkeye, talks about being a lighthouse.
A light house is a static structure. It is located in one place, and does only one thing, it sheds light. Up there on the rock, the light house gives light to those at sea, warning them of danger, rocks, the shoreline.
A light house does not move around, shedding its light in ones face.
For a long time, in sobriety, I thought that because I “had” light, that in order for people to see it, and pay attention to it, I needed to shine that light in their faces …
A meeting IS a LIGHT HOUSE. We give light, We share light, We offer light.
Last night, I took the stupid liberty to shine light in someones face once again. Reminding him that I had “Seen” him and was paying attention to him.
That really means nothing to him, because he thinks little of me.
Tonight, one of my long sober friends, who was sitting in the room prior to last night’s meeting and knew of my plans ahead of time, spoke to me before the meeting tonight. And he asked me why I was wasting my time, with someone who doesn’t seem to need light, or want it for that matter, from me at least.
He told me that there were plenty of people who want light, and that I need to stop and notice who they are in the future, thereby not wasting a perfectly good opportunities to
On the way home, I was talking to another friend driving the car home, and I told him about an observation that I had about people in general. And he said …
For God’s sake, you have fifteen years of hard-fought sobriety under your belt. WHY are you worrying about those fuckers who really don’t give you a second thought. They aren’t worrying about you, and you really don’t need to be fixated on them either.
Nuff said about that …
A few weeks ago, an older man showed up on our Friday doorstep.
More like, came down our staircase.
I noticed him.
He shuffles in before the meeting for some coffee. He keeps to himself and doesn’t say much, that I also noticed. Tonight, he shuffled in, just as I finished setting up and was going to go sit outside. He sat in the chair next to the one I was sitting in.
I took a breath, and asked him how he was doing …
Be the LIGHT.
People suffer unimaginable terrors and mental pains. And mental illness is NOT strange in our business. We see it all the time.
A conversation began. And I learned a great deal about this man, in a few minutes before the meeting. He IS where I WAS, many years ago. With a shattered life, nothing to call my own, nowhere to go, and a soul devoid of LIGHT.
I was carrying The Spirituality of Imperfection, in my bag.
He spoke of God. And said to me that he was devoid of spirit and did not know how to find it. AND he told me that at least, an ember of fire was still glowing in his tummy.
When a fire burns down, what is left in the pit, is charred coals, burnt wood, and maybe an ember just simmering, waiting for kindling to get it to burn once again.
That ember was still within him. And with that knowledge, I ran with it.
I told him that we all have, or hopefully still have, when we hit the rooms, an ember still there, inside us. I wanted to blow some air on his ember, and hopefully reignite the fire.
Ever so small it may be.
We spoke about foundations. We spoke about structure. We spoke about doing small things, small acts of kindness for ourselves and for others. And hopefully build some self-esteem and self-respect.
He has a plan. He is housed at the Old Brewery Mission, here in the city. The Mission is a Homeless Shelter. He has a paid room, and structure.
That is a beginning.
He has a roof, 3 meals a day, a bed to sleep in, and he gets a shower every day.
He has everything he needs, very simply. His cup is not full, but he’s on the way.
I gave him some suggestions. And as the meeting began, he whispered in my ear:
I have thirty days today.
I had a thirty-day chip in my wallet, I have several in fact, should they be needed.
At the end of the meeting, he got his thirty days.
We shared our light with him again tonight.
We dropped him at the Metro, and I gave him my number.
You never know when someone will need your light, at the right moment, for the right reasons.