Discovering Self – Fifty Moving Forwards

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The Modern Otter

Ever since that one doctors visit back in February, and seeing clear proof that my body was responding positively to treatment, I’ve been discovering the man I really wanted to be. To feel beautiful, something I was missing, to feel sexy, since nobody had ever mentioned that to me, not even my husband, and finally find that spark that made me visible to people around me.

I figured out I could rock a look, that was sporty and flashy. I’ve lost a ton of weight over the last seven months. And now, I’ve brought my best friend over to the “dark side” with the very same diet I have been on for a while now.


I found this young, sporty, sexy, Otter of a man, (Otter – Young, Gay, Skinny, Hairy Man) and he has a look. A beautiful look, that is modern, sleek and hip. I like that.

At fifty, I decided to let things roll, and I’ve adopted a more “Otter” look. In the past, I was the one who would never be seen with facial hair, because, I used to say, that facial hair gave you a certain AGE look, that I worked so hard to avoid like the plague for the whole of my life. I may not be as skinny as I would like, but dropping thirty pounds has definitely put me in the race.

Modern Otter

It’s been two weeks, and I have a full beard, “Otter” look now. It is distinctive, I think. I figured that I needed a new look that conveyed a little wisdom for myself at fifty. Some of my elder sober men friends have that “elder status look.”

And if I am honest, when I grow up, I want to be like some of my long sober men friends, in many ways.

I am trying to find comfort at Fifty. I’m trying to find that place where I feel good, look good and look good doing it too. I have the wardrobe. I’ve spent a pretty penny on new clothing that makes me look smart, fit and alive.

The friends that matter, see me, and they love me for who I am. All of them notice how hard I have worked to get here, and one lady friend, who has had her share of suffering knows what happiness and joy are, and she said to me not long ago that when she looked at me that I looked happy from the inside – out …

Friends that make your heart smile are precious.

I have friends like that in my life today.

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