The weather has definitely changed. Temps have dropped ten degrees over the last two nights. We are sitting at 12 c right now.
It was a very tiring day. I’ve been in my head for days now, and I know tonight, that I have been renting space in my head to people who really do not matter to me, in the great scheme of all things sober.
The hamster was on the wheel all day today and most of last night.
The Lesson about Approval is sitting on my dashboard right now, and I know it because I spoke about it to the room. And the lesson is appropriate right now. But, not trusting my own head with what was inside of it, I talked to another long sober friend, who has known me since my first day of sobriety here. He comes to the Friday meeting, so it was good to speak to him.
In any ideal world, we’d all love each other and be best friends, and there would not be the drama and strife. But like I have been told already by a friend that:
The Fellowship is One BIG Hospital. And we are all not on the same floor.
It also was said tonight that, in many places, it is like being right back in High School, the way people treat each other and act in public.
I just know, right now that, I cannot stand sitting in a room full of people who do not matter to me. In the three meetings I do attend on a weekly basis, there are good people in each meeting. People who care about my welfare and well-being.
Save for that batch of really BAD APPLES.
The trick is sitting in that room, and going to the meeting for the reason it is intended, and not to go and let bad apples rattle my cage every week.
My Monday and Friday meetings are good meetings, with good people. Lots of newcomers and people I know.
I have time. A good chunk of time. And my friend tonight said to me that, I am a trusted custodian. That’s what people like us do now. We go, do some simple service, and then sit back, and let the newcomers run the show.
I am reminded that on Friday, that is where I shine the brightest. People know me, and they appreciate that I am devoted to that specific community. On Monday, I am also a trusted custodian. I can go and hang back. I don’t need to be on the front line at every meeting any longer.
Go where you are appreciated and stay away from places that you do not need to be.
I do my homework, every night. I do step work with people. I’ve completed a round of steps not long ago. The words that were spoken to me a long time ago still matter:
Just because people have TIME, does not necessarily mean that they are SOBER.
That is so fucking true right now.
I heard a comment from an out of Towner tonight. And that comment went along these lines …
There are three reasons why someone comes into the rooms:
- Their LIVER
- Their LOVER, or
- Their LAWYER
We laughed out loud when it came out, because we’ve never heard this saying before.
The reading tonight spoke towards Humility and Principles.
There are things, suggestions, that we hear when we first come in. Over the years, now that I have time and experience to talk towards, we know those suggestions are true.
- 90 meetings in 90 days ( if you have the time to do it )
- No Relationships in the First Year
- Service will keep you sober
- Live – Easy – But – Think – First
- If you put anything before you sobriety, you will Lose it
- If you are getting sober for anyone else but yourself, you won’t stay sober
- Sobriety has to be All About You, and not your Liver, Lover, or Lawyer
- Yes, your liver is important, and your wife/husband/sig. other are important but
- You can only get sober for you, and be able to make it work
I know what I should do. I got good advice from good friends who care about me.
This is what I need.
Not everybody in a room is going to like you, or has to like you. Sobriety ranges across the board. And long sober people don’t necessarily act sober or even think about it, because many of them are “socially connected” to each other, in the terms that some particular meetings, served by some old timers, is just a social club. And if you are not part of that social club, then they don’t pay you any mind, while you are there, and most definitely when they travel to other meetings to hear each other speak !
I do not need to seek approval or attention from people who won’t give it or pay it out.
Friday is still the BEST night of the week.