I heard a young lady share this thought last night on Humility …
Learning to be Honest in who you are, and letting go the consequences of that Honesty.
The reading from A.B.S.I. talked about Step 5 …
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
When we come in, it seems like we have finally arrived, finding people who understand us, finally. So we get into steps at some point, and we get to our inventory, and it isn’t until we sit with another alcoholic and we share that inventory with them, do we find spiritual peace.
In my case, in my experience, I would do my inventories, and talk about them incessantly. But there was always something I was keeping to myself, and from God.
And it wasn’t until this round, over the summer, that my spiritual director, figured out what I was trying to say, and why I was keeping it inside, and not letting it go.
And he tossed me a Bible story about Leah and Jacob.
And finally, she had to let go the expectation that after bearing the seven sons of Israel, that Jacob would love her, which he never did come round to doing. And God spoke to Leah and said, ‘Now turn your eyes to God and let me take it away from you.”
Se had to turn ALL of her expectations over to God. Which was what I had to do. Nobody in the rooms had that exact Spiritual Insight for me. It took my Spiritual Director from outside to see it and be able to show me what I needed to do.
Finally, after more than a decade and some, I found that lasting peace, I needed to have to get on with my life after fifty.
I have a friend, we all have that certain man in the room who gives the same advice, over and over. When he came in, he was shot to death, and suicidal. But there was a sliver of faith within him that kept him from killing himself.
For many, when it came to drugs and alcohol, no matter the environmental conditions outside, rain, wind, hurricane, snowstorm, if there was drugs or alcohol at the end of that trek, we were definitely going to go out and get them.
Sobriety is WORK. Sobriety takes WORK. Sobriety is not EASY.
He tells us over and over that, we really need to shut the fuck up and listen when people tell us that we need to get honest, and do the fucking work, as the book lays out.
There is no hemming and hawing. This is the deal. You come in and you want to get sober, well, this is your chance. Here is the book, READ the BOOK, and DO what it says.
It’s not rocket science.
If you go about your sobriety with the same zeal that you drank and drugged, then you too can get sober, and be free of the shackles that kept you bound to substances.
I know today, that I am not meant to help everybody and that not everybody wants my spin on sobriety. And I am good with that.
I’ve made my Fuck It List. And I wiped several more people off with that list.
And you know, since I started making that list daily, I can sleep at night. The rat has stopped spinning on his wheel.
My friend Sean said to me last night, that he has noticed that I am having better weeks, consecutively. If he can see it, then that is a good thing.
Something is working in my favor.
More to come.