I made it. Sixteen years clean and sober.
- 16 Years
- 5,840 days
- 832 Weeks
- 192 Months
- 140,160 Hours
- 8,409,600 Minutes
I thought that a plan of attack was warranted for Thursday night. To go out there and stand before a room full of people, and take THEIR inventories.
I wrote it all out, so I could just stand there and read a prepared statement of facts.
The last time I wrote out a script, I made a complete ass of myself at that particular meeting. Friday night, I told my friend Angie what I was planning to do and had done already. She just shook her head at me, and said,
NO … That’s not what you are going to do.
During the meeting my friend Old Peter spoke about steps. Step 5, we admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the EXACT nature of our wrongs. Step 6, were entirely ready to have God removes these defects of character, and Step 7 HUMBLY asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Thursday night, last, I went to bed with an axe to grind. Which kept me up all night, and pushed me to get out of bed, and write a script, I had intended to deliver to people who seriously, fucked me over, over the past year.
My friend Peter spoke about how he likes to take out his resentments out of his pack, and polish them up, like gem stones. I do the very same thing.
The other problem I have is that I always want to have my day in court. To play prosecutor, judge and jury. In some corner of my mind, the only way I can move on with my life, is to tell people who seriously, fucked me over, what I really think of them, and how I want God to ZOT them off the face of the earth.
Angie tells me that to be truly, happy, joyous and free, I need to let these defects and shortcoming go, or they are going to consume me and push me one day, God forbid, to drink again.
There it is. The truth about the mind of an alcoholic who has some time. Even with time, everybody has problems, and they don’t go away. The Work of Steps and Sponsors, are to make sure we do not act rashly, on defects and shortcomings.
I stayed sober, even when people turned their backs on me. I stayed sober despite them. And I’ve spent years studying my alcoholic counterparts like LAB RATS.
I know them, intimately. Probably more intimately, than they know themselves. This blog is a running record of everything I have heard, every story that has been told, every failure experienced, every success recorded.
I know everything my friends do, when they speak, in front of me. They may not know that even if I do not say a single word, in a meeting, I am recording everything they say, in my memory, so that when I get home, I can write it all down for posterity.
Lorna Kelly, has spoken at great length about Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa knew about every kind of suffering known to man, and she knew how to help that suffering. The only segment of the population that she could not tap were the Alcoholics.
WHY ? Because she did not have a story. She did not have the words, that we do, those words are: “I know how you feel, let me tell you what I did …”
Over these past eighteen months many, many people, heard me sob, cry, talk and rant, over and over. NOT ONE OF THEM said those words to me, ever.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, LET ME TELL YOU WHAT I DID !
I stayed sober despite their apathy and inaction. I stayed sober, because of the way I witnessed them treating me in public. I was warned a long time ago about my fellow alcoholics.
THEY MIGHT HAVE TIME, BUT MANY OF THEM ARE NOT SOBER !
Many people have time, but the God’s honest truth is, they aren’t very sober.
I have to speak about gratitude and humility and thankfulness.
I stayed sober, and this is how I achieved that, on all of your backs.
Plain and simple.
If it were not for them, there would be no US, and no ME.
My friends have my back. They’ve told me what I should do.
People know what they did, and how they acted. I don’t need to remind them.
It’s all good.
Christmas is coming. Snow is on the ground here in Montreal. And more is on the way this week. Hopefully we will have a white Christmas.
More to come.