Friday: We are not meant to do this alone


Another week has gone. It was a good week. Lots of things accomplished. I found a good deal on a pair of Nike Shox sneakers, which I have been wanting for the longest time. They were located in the U.S. but still I had to pay import taxes on the purchase. Some things you buy online do not have extra taxes tacked on. Oh well. They are on their way tonight.

shox 1

I dropped labs a couple of weeks ago. And received phone calls from BOTH my doctors. It seems my A1C has come down considerably, with all the drugs I am taking, insulin and pills. In December, my HIV doc put me on a new once a day Prezista Pill at 800 mg a day.

I’ve been on this KETO diet for more than a year now. And over the past two months, my diet has been on a roller coaster, so to speak. I crave foods like a mad man. One thing I was craving was BREAD. So for a couple of weeks, I was eating cold cuts sandwiches for lunch.

Not thinking … really …

If you want to gain weight BACK and FAST, bread is your ticket to hell. Bread is pure sugar. And I have to keep an eye on my sugars.

I ate BREAD. BREAD is NOT your friend.

My Diabetes doctor called to tell me the good news, and the NOT so GOOD news. My triglycerides went up five points. She wanted to know if I had done anything in particular to have them rise so fast, so far ? Well, I was on a new pill, and all HIV pills come with triglyceride warnings. They are going to go up.

The next evening as I was on my way out to a meeting, my HIV doc called, to tell me my numbers were good, and I asked about the triglycerides. He told me that I trend high and they go up and down like an elevator.

He said, it was not the new pill, BUT ME … in this case.

I told him I fell off the wagon and ate bread for an extended period of time. He responded, telling me that I need to be very careful what I am putting into my body, in the way of food. Because HIV and Diabetes medications run a precarious balance, if they are to work together, as they have been.

I’ve been off bread for a few weeks now, and my weight is slowly coming back down. Today I cracked the 160 mark, down from high 170’s. I gained all that weight back and it didn’t dawn on me why ?

I was eating BREAD for God’s sake.

Pictured above, is Bill Wilson’s headstone. A few years back, my sponsor, at that time, on the way to a weekend retreat in Vermont, took me and my friend Joe to East Dorset, where Bill was born, and where Bill and Lois Wilson are buried.

Notice the chips that visitors placed on his marker. Tradition holds that if you visit Bill’s grave, that you leave a chip for someone later to find, and if they need that particular chip, they can take it, provided they leave one in return.

I do not know any other human being, here in Montreal sobriety, besides my old sponsor, my friend Joe, and myself, who have stood on that hallowed ground. This thought came to me during tonight’s Friday nigh meeting.

We cannot do this alone. We need outside help. The reading tonight, touches on Step Five, and the moral inventory. It also talks about having the right people in our lives, who can call us on our bullshit and tell us the truth.

Shares were all over the board on this one.

I just know that for over sixteen years, I have been doing the SAME THING, week in and week out. Month after month, and year after year. I do service three times a week. I have friends. I work with others. And when push comes to shove, in sobriety, I know that, my best thinking, brought me here, and when I get into my head, I know I need to hit a meeting and listen to my friends. Because that is where I am going to hear God Speak.

I know, many folks, would rather I just shut up already. And many of those people who have said that to me in the past, have disappeared from the rooms all together.

I’ve survived all of them.

Some of us talk about doing what we were told to do as newbies. That some of us, took all that information, on beard, and did as we were told. Many of us in the over fifteen years, through the twenties are still sober, because we followed directions, to the letter.

Today, You cannot tell many people to follow suggestions. They just don’t want to be told what they really need to do, despite themselves.

There are few people who listen when I talk. When any of us talk.

So I keep talking, and I put my information out on the table for popular consumption. Some may take it, many won’t. Few people want my help beyond my friends, and the men I work with.

But I’ve got one up on my friends … I’ve visited Bill and Lois. I’ve stood and prayed on their graves with other alcoholics. No one here, has had that particular gift bestowed on them. And I can take that one to my grave, in confidence.

Working with others, has its challenges. A particular extension of my little sober circle, includes a few souls, who need a little extra help. Mental illness in the rooms, is a real problem. Many of those men and women, do it all by themselves.

You cannot do sobriety OR mental illness, or any illness for that matter, by yourself.

But especially, mental illness requires a second set of eyes.

For a couple of friends, I am that second set of eyes.

It always pays to be kind, whenever possible. People are suffering, and if I can bring, for a little while, some modicum of serenity and kindness into their lives at a meeting, then why not ?

There is only so much talking that I can do. Some of my friends need to take concrete action in their lives and actually do what is suggested of them.

A particular friend lives in an apartment that is in shambles. There are dirty dishes piled in the sink, there is garbage piled high and pizza boxes. There are Timmy’s cups all over the place, the bed is a mess and there are clothes strewn all over the bedroom.

For the life of me, I cannot teach him how to wash his dishes. That mundane simple task is beyond his mental capabilities at the moment. Where in the past, every time I went to his house, I cleaned his house, dishes. clothes and all.

He called, out of the blue the other day, and asked me to visit him. And this was the way his house appeared to me.

A shambles.

I keep telling him that his outward life, is a direct reflection of his inner life.

His home is a mess, therefore his life is a mess.

And I postulate that id he cleaned up his house, that his inner life would brighten considerably. Right now, he is unable to do either. Clean his home nor clean his life.

I can only talk so much.

Some people just do not have it in them to get better, no matter how hard I try or the talking I do with them. The message is just not sinking in …

It snowed this week. We forget that in March, we get the lion’s share of snow for the season. March is only a couple of weeks in. And the weather people warned us that Winter would evolve directly into Summer this year.

With a very short or non-existent Spring …


Not sure of either at the moment.

Everybody is well, all things considered. Well, as well as can be expected, challenges included.

More to come.

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