I posted earlier today about my head space this morning. it only got worse as the day progressed. I’ve been uncomfortable all night long. And even spending time with people I love, did not ease the discomfort.
I’m still stuck in my body.
There are things we get to talk about with our friends, those things could be any topic, for any reason, and my friends would listen. There is only one person who has been brought into the Fidelius Charm. There is nobody else, in on the charm.
He has challenged me to become the best version of myself. Which is why he is within the Charm.
And I’m not sure I should bother him, at the moment, because I know he’s filled with his own anxiety about the end of term and the amount of work he has to pump out in the next ten days.
What I have left, is pouring myself out here, and recording how my days are going, from one day to the next. As my daily routine goes forward, knowing what I know at this very minute, being around my friends makes me a little uncomfortable.
I have good friends, mind you, who would never question anything I tell them about me, because they all know me, very well. Sometimes better than I know myself.
I’ve added another layer of who I am to the mix, a few days ago.
On a separately Other track …
I was told tonight, by a good lady friend, that, certain doors have not opened up to me, on one arc of my story, so she told me to just put one foot in front of the other, until that particular door opens.
Because Sobriety does not have a destination …
Making choices, putting a plan into action takes certainty, or a little bit that sounds like certainty. You don’t know if the plan, will flourish in the future, so all we can do is put one foot in front of the other, and stay in our days.
Where have I heard that little gem before ???
Sobriety, and Life in Sobriety is about the day you are in, and even the moment you are in, right now.
Any choice you make in sobriety, is tempered by how well you deal with a twenty four hour period. And when you can’t talk about what’s going on with you, you need to figure out where you are going to drop your thoughts, which is why this platform exists.
For the longest time, this was about my readers. I posted content for my readers. But that tack changed when Brene Brown became part of my life.
This week, I decided that I was no longer drumming for readers or support from the outside world. I decided days ago, to spend my writing time, working on me, in open community.
I had to reconsider what this blog functioned as. BRAVING this blog, the way it was, was no longer tenable.
Now, I turn the attention off of others, and onto myself. For better or worse. I don’t have any gay friends, inside or outside the rooms. That means a no go, for open discussion on just about anything not relatable.
I know I can talk to my Fidelius Charm partner.
Now is not the moment, though.
I get to think out loud here instead.
Putting one foot in front of the other …