Throwing Up My Hands

I had coffee with one of my best friends the other night. One piece of advice he gave me was this: He said, I knew what was important to me and to those I work with. He then said that I really did not need to save the world, so to speak. That I did not have to overextend myself for people who really don’t appreciate me or whatever it is I am doing, and that there are too many people out there, who take advantage of my good hearted-ness.

The other night, Tuesday, we read over Steps 10 and 11, out of the Big Book, better known as pages 86 and 87. When referring to particular important passages, those ones that are vitally important, we don’t need the topic, all we need are the page numbers. Most folks who know The Book well, refer to “Just the page numbers.”

Anyways, I digress.

A few weeks ago, after long discussions with a young man who threw his Big Book knowledge at me, and his insistence that The Book is the only way, I set him a challenge from my perspective. I asked him to pray the prayers right out of the book, I gave him a You Tube Video to watch of a long sober member I met years ago, and who is today, long dead, and finally, I bought him a journal to write his tenth step nightly.

He stopped going to meetings altogether. Haven’t seen him in weeks.

Was it my fault, did I have something to do with his MIA status?

On Tuesday night, we shared on Steps 10 and 11. The Tuesday meeting is a Beginners Meeting, so most folks haven’t read the book in full, nor worked any steps, YET.

But as the share went around the room, what I heard coming out of people’s mouths were these words …

I CAN’T … I DON’T … and … I WON’T

I’m so tired of sitting in meetings, with people who come to meetings, ignore what they are hearing, drink, over and over again, and are miserable and want nothing to do with working a program of recovery.

I am wasting my time, talent, and treasure.

An entire group of young people, that I participated with, in keeping them sober over the last two holiday periods, have decided to DRINK AGAIN.

I can only watch so many kids drink, come to meetings, take a chip, go back out and drink again, come in and take a chip, and drink again.

So many of our young people are STUCK in the revolving door now.

I was so pissed the other night, I called in the troops and asked some of my friends to step in and try to mitigate the drinking, because they don’t want to hear what I have to say, nor do they want what I have.

Experience tells me that when this happens, it’s time to Step Back.

I can’t go on, sitting in meetings, filled with misery and alcoholism. I’m an alcoholic who HAS a SOLUTION.

For many, my solution and route to that solution is too work related. I actually ask my kids and my guys to work a program. Right out of the Book. It’s not Rocket Science.

Most folks in the room, think me strange, and not many of them want what I have, and I am ok with that. I’m just not gonna hang around people who want to live in the problem, while the solution is sitting in the room.

If I did not listen when I got sober, I would be one of those kids that are sitting in misery, night after night. If they want to sit in misery and not do the hard work of getting honest and getting sober, then so be it.

I’m not wasting any more of my precious time sitting in halls of misery and sadness. I’m just not gonna d it any more.