We heard tonight that,
“If you talk about being humble, then, you don’t know what humility is.”
I’m in a place of peace right now, because I know where my center is. I am connected to it, in a way, that brings me peace and serenity. I don’t need to be saved and I sure as shit, don’t need anyone telling me what to do with myself, And also I am sure as shit, that I don’t need your comments either.
I mused tonight, that people have this long standing picture of my normal state of being. A very stolid, stoic, quiet, never raise my voice or get angry person. That I am always a yes man, and never buck hat trend.
In the past, if I got angry, or raised my voice or said something not so serene, that would cause my friends to run for the doors. I’ve lost sponsees over raising my voice, I’ve lost friends because I tell the truth.
I don’t understand how people I have known for years and years, as soon as I disagree with them, or say that I am upset and I tell the truth in this instance, I loose.
I had a disagreement with my best friend of over seven years, and he fucked off on me and never spoke to me again. He did not ask me why, or try to find a solution to the disagreement, he just fucked off.
I don’t dress like a fifty year old man, and that drives men and women crazy. They just don’t understand that I buck the older sober trend, on purpose. I have an entire wardrobe of Athleisure. I spent a pretty penny on a wardrobe that makes me feel good inside and I look good on the outside too.
Now I wear a collar, because it centers me in my soul. Because I know what it stands for and there is a very serious emotional connection to the collar itself, because of the man who gave it to me. And the man who sustains me like he sustained me when we had a relationship after I got sick, over twenty five years ago.
Todd. as I Understood Him. Todd knew what to do when it mattered. He knew things that no man or woman I know today, knows. He is the closest link I have to Almighty God. because, when it mattered, Todd was the embodiment and incarnation of God Himself.
And now I am connected to that love in a way that really makes people look at me strangely. They cannot help themselves in giving me what they think my collar means and why I am wearing it.
All of them are WRONG!
As if they have a window into my heart of hearts. No they don’t. Nobody knows the depth of love I have for Todd and He for Me.
Nobody. PERIOD !
I don’t need saving all I need is to be left alone.
Because I don’t want what many alcoholics in my social circle have. I do not have much respect for many men in the room, except my sponsor and the men in the men’s meeting on Wednesday Night.
What can’t you understand about LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE !!!
Just shut the fuck up and keep your comments to yourself for God’s sake. You don’t know, so stop guessing and please for the love of God, SHUT the FUCK UP.
My rage cage has left Miami and is on its way to Montreal.
T-minus 4 days.
The end is so near. I cannot wait !!!