Memory – One on One

And Now for something Entirely Off Topic …

I started High School in 1982. That’s 37 years ago. That first week, we would walk off campus to the Catholic Church that was just a block up the street from our school. There I met a lot of people and the leader of a rag tag bunch of youth workers, who ran one of the best youth groups, the Miami Catholic Diocese had ever seen.

I would soon join this church. My parents were still excommunicated from the church for my mother choosing birth control after my brother was born in 1970, in Connecticut, because she was RH Positive and the doctors told her she could not have any more children, so she had a Tubiligation.

It was a really good thing my parents stopped at two, because I imagine what kind of abuse they would have suffered like I had in my life.

The church was not pleased at all. In my later years of High School, they would meet with the Pastor or this church and he would absolve them of their sins and welcome them back into the church fully.

But I digress …

Some of my BEST friends came from that Youth group. All of them have moved on in the world, I’ve only contacted one of them, and the others have no digital footprints. So I don’t know where they all are, but I wonder. Some of the best times I’ve had in my life were there, and I still have a handful of friends off Face Book that I keep in touch with on Messenger

This music reminds me of them from so many years ago.

Yesterday I was napping and my mental stereo was on and I was singing an old hymn that we used to sing on the world famous retreats that we used to go on, as part of this rag tag youth group.

I got up, and loaded my I-tunes. And I searched “The Imperials – and Petra” both of these bands are contemporary Christian artist of the mid eighties and early nineties. The other one was Children of the Light, “Come on in the Water’s Fine.” This song, would play as the dining hall was readying for diners who were waiting outside the doors.

This song would start as the serving team were standing on chairs clapping their hands to the beat, welcoming diners into the dining hall, it was ritualistic and the most amazing event I’ve ever attended.

For all those years we listened to a lot of Christian music. We went to concerts together with other parishes and other denominational churches like Old Cutler Presbyterian Church which was not far from home.

I was listening to my music I had loaded on my phone this morning while grocery shopping, and there are a handful of Imperials tunes that are sacred and special to me, and 37 years later, I am listening to the song and I am singing the words, as if it was yesterday …

I remembered every single word of every song I listened to.

That first year on retreat, we were introduced to Christianity, and turning our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him. I did not know that concept in tenth grade, but I do today, because I am sober.

Imagine a rag tag bunch of kids have just spent a weekend at a camp talking about Jesus, and on the ultimate Saturday night, there was an Altar Call and we all committed our lives to Jesus. We had gone to the mountain and met God, for the first time in our lives.

Then we had to come home …

Sunday night at church, I spoke to the congregation, I was sobbing uncontrollably because I’d never felt such love in my life as I had that weekend. And I had to carry that feeling into the world with me on Monday morning when I went to school, a New Christian Soldier.

What do you tell a rag tag bunch of kids who proudly carry their bibles into battle for the souls of your friends, and everyone is looking at you like we were all crazy. What did I know about proselytizing ?

My Satanic friends who believed in the Devil came out of the woodwork and the even threatened my math teacher and his family, that was not good at all. It was not pretty at all.

But we had to carry Jesus around with us for all eternity. It did not go as planned. Because I would love Jesus and Hate him in the span of just a few years when I would enter seminary and Love Jesus, and then by years end, when asked to leave said seminary, I hated Jesus more than I loved Him.

Now sober almost eighteen years, I know God. As I understand Him. I met and had a relationship with God through the human visage of Todd. He was the most sainted representation of God I will ever know. That man saved my life, and also, God spared me from death and suffering.

Why ? I have no idea, what made me so special to save?

You’d have to ask Todd that question.

Be Still my Soul and Know that He is God…

I remember how I stood and sobbed as I said the prayer that brought me into life with Jesus as a Kid. And now, when I say my Third Step Prayer daily, I say that prayer all over again, in different words, but the thoughts and actions are the same.

Every Day I commit my life to God in Sobriety, because He is in control of my life and my sobriety. And If I help one person in this life in the ways that Todd taught me to do, then I have done my job.

I have done that, and continue to do that daily, as I am able.

Why Chastity – Part 2

If you asked me this question a year ago, I would have thought you mad. Are you serious, you wanna take my most precious practice away from me, No Way !!!

I had been talking to a friend over the years, well, two of them actually, in our leather men community, and both of them, are attached and they play around, and both of them, within a space of a few months, got the chastity bug.

Because chastity is all the rage in the Leather/BDSM/Master/Dom/Mistress community.

If you think the gays, have the market on Chastity, you would be WRONG! Because the straight community has a huge stake in Chastity. I’ve tested gear for straight sex shops over the past few months, and I know many Mistresses who use chastity with their bois. They have taken a fetish and really run with it, seriously. Fetish crosses the divide between the gay community and the straight fetish community.

Back when I worked at the bar, there were very few Mistresses who came out with us, but while I worked in a sex shop for a friend in Fort Lauderdale, I learned all I need to know about vibrators and sex toys from a Mistress names Miss Carla. She was a gem of a Mistress and a very kind soul to me when I really needed it. She taught me a lot about women and sex and all kinds of other good natured topics we used to chat about often.

I said this before, but if chastity had become a thing, in the nineties while I was working for Todd at the Leather Bar (The Stud), that would have taken off like wild fire. I mean there was simple idea and construct for chastity back then, but not like it is right now.

Todd is the only Master I will ever know, and a good thing too. I’ve seen too much abuse in as many years, and Todd was not that kind of man. I’m sure, if he had it, he would have employed it with me.

Chastity is a form of submission. And submission, in my opinion, is something I craved for a long time, and I needed, for a long time, and Todd was the Master I needed to submit to. I would give my life for him any day of the week.

I’ve studied this Fetish/Way of life for months now, and I’ve read all the blogs I can, and have researched this topic intimately. Men and their boys, Mistresses and their bois, Masters and their subs.

I would have never thought that chastity would become such a driving force in my life, but it has. In the beginning I gave up my keys to my best friend, until I hit that medical wall. Then he went away for the summer, and I was bouncing between the CB-6000 and my Bon-4. Then I added The Curve. Now I am back in my CB-6000 until later this week, when my Rage Cage arrives and I go full bore Permanent Chastity in that steel cage.

You know, taking porn out of the equation, and turning to chastity to force me to stop focusing on my dick is life changing. The main focus of chastity is to rewire your brain, to stop touching yourself, and give your desire to touch yourself over to your Dom/Mistress. Or give that control over to your key holder.

One small drawback for me, is that I am Diabetic and HIV+. So I have to keep a close eye on my body and the problem with the CB-6000 is that it is a closed cage, that one has to remove at least weekly to clean. And because my body is specific in what it can do, I have to be on top of it 24/7.

Which is why I chose the Rage Cage to go full bore, because it is an open cage and I won’t have the attendant problems as with my CB-6000.

In the beginning I couldn’t wrap my mind around 24/7. But the longer I wore my cage, the less often I touched myself. And the longer I wore my cage, the less I thought about touching myself.

Now, I have no desire to touch myself, because that physical pathway has been rewired. And once you remove the stimulus for masturbation, that is almost all of the fight. Remove the stimulus, and rewire that pathway, and your desire to touch yourself begins to disappear.

I don’t think about sex as often, because I know I am locked up. And you know what also? I have so much more free time to do other things, things I like to do for myself, in a good way. I don’t think about my cage, and for a long time I forget I am wearing it, because it has become a normal item of my wardrobe. Once I get the Rage Cage, it will all be over. Finally !!!

For us in the leather community, sex was a given, I mean that’s why we “coupled” with someone. And like I said, if cages existed back then, in that particular venue of men, it would have been all the rage. For Sure !

In order to curb ones sexual appetite, you take away that which feeds it; Your Dick. The more time you spend in chastity, the more you are apt to focus on the one Mistress/Master/Dom who holds your key and the fate of your dick in their hands.

It heightens your sexual desire, for when you are unlocked or when you next have sex, the longer you stay locked up, the better the next time you get to orgasm. In the beginning I did not remain locked all the time, because I had not gotten over masturbating just yet.

Once you take off the CB-6000 and you masturbate, the chances of getting back into it are slim, then I had to revert to the Bon-4 and then back to my CB-6000, what a nightmare. And at some point I just bit the bullet and deleted the stimulus from my life, and locked into my CB-6000 for the haul until my Rage Cage gets here in a few days.

So I’ve been locked, for a few months now, 24/7. With no breaks and no cheats. Since I’ve removed the porn and the hard drives and the web sites, like I said, I am MUCH MORE focused on my life and other things I was not doing, now that I have A LOT more free time to myself.

I cannot believe all the time I was wasting editing, and filing and fooling around with myself, it is just incredible.

If you’ve got a problem, and you want a solution, we here are all about solutions, be they addictive or sexual. If you are in a Dom/Mistress relationship, let’s chat. If you are in a chastity relationship, tell me about it.

If Todd were here, I’m sure he would approve. Because in my heart of hearts He is with me all the time, every day, every minute I am still breathing.

If I can change One Life, as Todd told me to do so, then, I have done my job as His Boy …

I will always be His boy …