Year End Review 2018

Instead of writing an entire expose of the past year, I thought I would share the first thought that made it into print, the first entry of every month of 2018. A little retrospective, of course. Enjoy !!!

January 2018 …

In 1998, at four years sober, every man I knew, at that four year mark, walked out the doors and drank and used again. Including myself.

At that time, it was the messaging, that just solidified my decision to take my life back into my own hands and go out. When an alcoholic walks up to you and says Get Out and Don’t come back … what are you supposed to do, when you figure out, your options at that point are very slim, on the ground.

February 2018 …

I wrote this letter to my Spiritual Director the other night. It is pertinent to my life today, because it reflects my growth in certain areas of my life at the moment.

I hope that things have gotten a bit better than they were a few days ago. Sometimes it’s a bitch having to recite and accept those pesky slogans …

They might come in handy when necessary, but when they become prayer mantras, that’s the worst, because you know, you have to totally “Turn it over, right ?”

How many times had I heard, Stick with the Winners, and Stay until the Miracle happens, and This Too Shall Pass … UGH

March 2018 …

It has been a few days since my last update. It has been a busy time for everybody all around. We have a family wedding in May, it will be the first time, in many years that the entire family will be in the same location at the same time, to celebrate my niece Melissa and her husband to be, Stephan’s wedding.

We have watched our nieces and nephews grow up into fine young adults. And we spoil them whenever we get the chance. Holidays are always a big deal for our family. We will be traveling to Southern Ontario (on the train) a first for us.

In July, one of my guys, Juan is going to marry his fiancée Nadia, in a very intimate setting here in Montreal. We’ve been working very hard at keeping them “on the beam” so to speak. Juggling school, work, wedding preparations and life, is a tall order. But, like they say, “we have a program for that!”

April 1 2018 – Easter Sunday

Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene

John 20: 11-18

Now Mary stood outside the tomb weeping. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.

May 2018 …

Two years ago, this very week, May 1st, 2016 to be exact, Fort McMurray, in Alberta, Western Canada was a tinder box, and went up in flames. We covered that tragedy here on the blog. Hundreds of thousands of people were displaced, thousands upon thousands of homes were burned to the ground.

But, resilient as people are, Fort McMurray is on the rebound as rebuilding has been going on since the all clear was sounded.

Seasonal changes have been occurring … This is fact.

Winters have been long and arduous. The snow pack is deep, again this year. Snow has been falling to the ground across Canada into the month of May this year. Here in Quebec, Winter went so long, we thought it would never end.

June 2018 …

Have you ever loved something so much, that you thought at one point, that you would do that thing for the rest of your life ? Climb the ladder of success, in a field/job, a sport, in music, or a trade ?

And what happens when you reach the point of success, let’s say, “going to an Olympics in Beijing as a Canadian athlete at the top of ones game.” And then having the tables turn on you, and that sport you loved, and gave it all of your heart and soul, and then that passion for the game DIES within, and alcohol becomes your best friend and companion.

July 2018 …

Staying the course, and always doing the next right thing, is good sound advice.

When the chatter in my head is running at fever pitch, and my emotions seem to rule every decision or thought at times, I know that I need to stop and take a break.

Read: I need to STOP and Pray !!!

Funny how things fall into my lap, when I most need them. Or, little signs from somewhere outside of myself, seem to appear, in front of me, at the oddest moments.

I have told the story about my I-Phones tendency to shuffle me a speaker, one speaker in particular, when I really need a talking to. It seems to know me better than I know myself at times, which begs the question … Are Our I-Phones sentient ???

August 2018 …

My birthday was the 31st of July. The morning of my birthday, when I got up and out of bed, I was still alive. I saw my doctor a couple of days before my birthday, and once again, I thanked him for keeping me alive another year.

This incarnation of my blog reached it’s First Anniversary. Thanks to cowards and their dishonesty. People would rather eat dirt, than be honest.

Without my doctor, where would I be right now ? I Don’t Know …

The people that mattered, celebrated my birthday, each in their own special ways.

September 2018 …

Summer is officially over. We did not Labor, over the Labor day weekend.

However good news did come.

October 2018 …

Guns, Germs and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies, by Jared Diamond

Have you ever wondered, how did we get here? Where did we come from?  Why here and Why now? Why are some countries rich, and others poor? Why do human live where they live today, and where did the first peoples come from?

Being an avid reader poses challenges now and then. Picking up a substantive book, and reading it from cover to cover, requires time, treasure and commitment. I have several substantial books in my “read” library stack. It took me quite a while to consume Guns, Germs and Steel. Not only does this book require time and treasure, it demands of its reader, patience, understanding, and a desire to learn; something that I found, was enlightening and educational.

Jared Diamond begins some 13,000 years ago, when the world was first populated with hunter gatherers. The continents were finding their places, ice ages, came and went. And early humans, as archeologists have studied began to populate the earth. When oceans were shallower, and land bridges existed, in several locations on the earth, people moved here and there.

Indigenous peoples worldwide don’t garner very much respect from the conquering peoples who overtook them. There were multiple indigenous communities worldwide, before the proverbial “white man” came and either infected them with disease, enslaved them to serve, relegated them to reserves or killed them outright in wars and conquests.

This book is methodical in its approach to humanity. And in pain staking detail we learn what peoples lived in prehistory. We learn where they lived to begin with and where they moved, on the earth as time progresses.

We learn how advances in food production, disasters of germs and disease, and the advancing industrial revolution, where guns and steel overpower those who did not have them.

We learn that in historical times, conquest and war, dispensed with entire groups of people. You did not only get the peoples who took up conquest, but the people who suffered because of it. The people who were here, before we got here, grew into some, successful communities. In the end, those vibrant indigenous communities were laid wasted by diseases brought by the conquerors, and the wars perpetuated in the names of Kings, Queens or Country.

As the continents were solidified, where people lived either assisted their success or advanced their demise. Where you lived, in relation to the latitude of your environs, either helped you, or harmed you. The success of peoples, farming, livestock, and growth all depended greatly, on where you sat, on the earth, in terms of latitude and longitude.

The spread of all things necessary for life, worked well, in areas with an expansive East – West axes. Those countries with North – South, axes, did not fare so well, the population and spread of food, animals and technology flourished in the Eurasian, East West Expanse of location.

There is a direct correlation between the location of a people, and the environment they found themselves in. From the Equator, reaching either North or South, temperate regions flourished. Guns, Germs and Steel tells the story of how the world became what it has.

Time, Distance, Location and the problems associated with location either helped peoples grow and succeed, or they took much longer to achieve certain benchmarks in their human existence. All things moving East – West grew faster than those things moving North – South.

Time is measured in hundreds of years,  The movement of people, goods, animals, and agriculture took TIME. And it seems that in pre-history, time is a very important component in the building of peoples, world wide.

Jared Diamond spins a very intricate web of story telling about Time, Talent, and Treasure. How the world built itself, learned how to govern itself, farm the land, produce food, and be able to store that food over Time, and then industrialize, are very important factors in human existence.

Guns, Germs and Steel is not a simple story, it is complex on many levels and explains the difficulty early peoples faced, in maintaining a home, finding food to eat, and learning the hard way, especially, “what not to eat.”

Every continent on the earth has a particular Origin Story. Every peoples who populate the earth, where ever that may be, also have complex Origin Stories. This very complex but wonderful study of humanity is one of the best books I have ever read, on the subject of just How We Got Here !

How each continent and how each people on each continent arrived where they did, and prospered to the level they are at today is studied exhaustively in this text. The Origins of People, Language, Customs and Lives and how all these things moved from one area of the world to other areas of the world is fascinating.

No stone is left un-turned by page 444 …

Pulitzer Prize books must contain certain factors that I always look for, IF a particular book has been awarded a Pulitzer Prize. Because I have read a handful of winners, that turned out to be real losers.

Guns, Germs and Steel is a Winner !!!

Read This Book !

November 2018 …

I’ve been sitting on my thoughts over the last little while. Two things I try to avoid, discussion of Religion and politics. The world has so much going on, that I have opinions about, that sometimes, I think to myself, “why bother?”

December 2018 …

December 9th 2018 came and went without fanfare.

The phone only rang once all day. The Big Celebration will take place on Friday night, at our regular Friday Night meeting. It is our Anniversary Meeting/Christmas Party. And I will take my cake as well.

I’ve been trying to figure out where I sit in the grand scheme of things, a little drop in the Big Ocean of the Universe. I’ve not quite figured that out just yet, so I am still flying by the seat of my pants.

A while back I had a conversation with a friend who is at year seven in his transition, today. Back then, amid some strife in his life, I told him that “What people think of us is none of our business.”

Not long ago, while talking together he parroted back to me that phrase, but he could not place where he had originally heard it. And I said, “that was a sober thought, and it sounds like something I would have said to you in the past. So it went.

We talked about what he calls being “Emotionally Self Sufficient.” Not relying on others, judgments, critiques, support or not support for us, to dictate the men and women we become.

I don’t usually worry about what people think of me, on the whole. It used to bother me when people, in public would critique my outfits or judge me one way or another. I kind of grew out of that insanity. Albeit, the hard way.

It had to be purged amid a pass through my steps this past Fall.

The one thing that haunts me to this day is the nostalgic portion of my brain that gives credence to the thought that people would grow up and finally want to make peace, after a lifetime of vitriol and hatred. In the back of my head I believe that every human has One Redeeming Quality, that can overcome whatever hardness in their hearts, if only they would find it within themselves. Alas, that has not happened.

I really cannot stomach that there are people in my life who hate me and want nothing to do with me because I am Gay and that I chose to take hold of my life, and go my own way, and do my own thing, and I believe, I did a good job so far. Some people don’t get it, and fault me for leaving a nuclear unit to break out on my own. Let’s remember that these same people, pushed me away and out of that nuclear unit, because I was Gay.

So Fuck Me !

There are so many good things in my life today. Today was my Quit Day, smoking cigarettes. I’ve been on Chantix for more than a week now, and just crossed the second week dosing of higher doses of medication. Which has seriously curbed my desire to smoke. That is a thing.

Working with others has kept me busy and on point. Trying to be the best human I can, and teaching lessons to others, that I learned myself many, many years ago, today. Not too many people pay attention to my stories, but there are three men who will listen.

And when I say to them, TRUST ME … I know what I am talking about, because it comes from a place deep within my soul. From the man who saved my life, and said those words to me, when I needed to hear them, and I have survived more than twenty five years now.

Hindsight is truly a gift these days.

Christmas shopping is going on. I did the bulk of my shopping on Tuesday. I had to travel into the Village for some things. And the central village Metro Station is closed for renovations until next June 2019. So I had to figure out how to get out of our intermodal Berri Station, which houses several Metro lines on three levels, down into the ground. The main Montreal bus station and all associated towers and service offices. There are many ways out of the station, but if you take the wrong tower exit, you end up in a particularly “other” area of town that you actually wanted to end up in.

There is a little snow on the ground. It is unseasonably below average cold, but it should warm up into positive numbers come the weekend. Long range forecasts says that snow showers will fall on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We are hosting a Christmas Dinner party for a friend, his wife and her mom. Their Second Christmas dinner here at our house.

It will be grand.

All in all life is good. I am still sober. And all is well.

The Big Night Wrap Up

Out with the old and in with the new …

It was a great day. Whenever I get to spend time with my best friend, is a good day, since we don’t see a whole lot of each other because of school and work. Raf drove up mid-afternoon from Ottawa and we did some shopping. The weather was not cooperating, so we tried to stay indoors as much as possible.

Not to mention it gets dark at 4 p.m. in the afternoon.

We bought some gift for family, had some lunch. And came back here to hang out with hubby, to pass the time. I got the first copy of this years Christmas Card, and the most coveted item in sobriety … The hallowed “I Drank At Dr. Bob’s coffee mug.” Locally, there were only two in existence this far North, from Akron Ohio. I had one, but it got shattered on the Lionel Groulx Metro Platform some time ago. The only other Dr. Bob mug was sitting in Rafa’s cupboard, in Ottawa. He gifted me that mug on Friday.

It rained all night. We left home around 6 for the Plateau to park near the church. We walked down Laurier to Starbuck’s. A handful of friends were there already having coffee before the meeting. Talking and doing some step work. My other Bestie Egyptian Joe and his wife Miss. Pina were there, so we visited for a bit, catching up on holiday festivities.

We sat a nominal crowd, not a full house as usual, which was kind of strange. But people won’t come out when it rains, or when it snows. It was the annual Anniversary/Christmas soiree, with a guest speaker.

This was the second speaker to cross my path this week. The first being at St. Matthias on Thursday night. At the end of the meeting I got my 17 year chip from Rafa. And he said, and I quote …

“My best friend called me weird tonight. He elaborated, on the way home. He said, that I don’t shy away from digging for truth, when it is uncomfortable. That if something isn’t working I go find something else that does. That I don’t behave better than anyone else, and that I will ask people in sobriety to help me, even if they are less sober than I am. Because everyone has experience, who has read the book with “their” sponsors. I seek wisdom in quiet ways. I don’t lead with my ego or an attitude. I treat everybody with respect, and I am kind. I don’t follow cookie cutter – the same ole thing, day in and day out. I walk into change and I seek out new ideas when most people won’t. I’m not a “regular” sober person.”

The depth and wisdom I have at this stage of the game, came from everybody who is near me. Thank you to all you young people who keep me honest and give me something to do and someplace to be on a weekly basis. I would not be who I am without all of you.

Let’s get on with Christmas already.

However, a little snow on the ground would be a nice addition.

Monday: Helping Others – The Book

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Because we all need a little Happy Dog Photo. I LOVE this photo.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week orb a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. pg. 24 BB.

I’ve heard it said that if something in the Big Book is written in Italics, then it is VERY important. And we should pay close attention to whatever is said.

After a weekend of sleeping in, and considering my next move in sobriety, tonight I hit my Monday meeting. It was as if I was hung over, mentally, and I thought to myself, on the way that, “I really needed a meeting.”

I don’t often get that jonesing feeling like “I really need a meeting” often. Today I noticed it right away. I got there early, because we were in a secondary location the past two weeks, and last week I missed, and this week I got LOST, trying to find a building that was just one block from where we usually meet.

Thank God for underground shopping malls.

I saw my friends. Some of whom took chips. Others, whom had drunk again over the weekend. Drinking again … This has become common lately. It breaks my heart that my friends all know me, and many of them have my number. None of them choose to use that number. I don’t get it.

I tried, once again, to make connections.

I know that I work very hard at sobriety, and I know today, that I have certain answers. I know certain things, CERTAINLY. Some of my friends, I think, might be put off with certainty. People come to meetings, but really, they don’t want the truth.

It’s like they enjoy rummaging around in the dark scrounging for the answer they want, which is not necessarily the answer they really need. But walking around in the dark seems easier than buckling down and accepting certainty and sobriety, once in for all.

I don’t understand that either.

I asked a friend, with serious time, before the meeting, “Hey James, what is it I need to know, because my anniversary is approaching,” and he said to me that “I really need to trust my higher power with that question. That only HE would tell me what I need to know.”

So I am Not God.

I also know that if I don’t hear directly from HIM, that I need to leave home and hit a meeting and listen to my friends, who might speak for HIM, to Me.

That’s usually how it goes for me.

One of my sponsees is a month out from his third anniversary next month. BOTH his anniversary and mine (in December) both fall on a weekend, which means we get our chips, respectively, in a meeting the week after.

I’ve been practicing my script over the past few days. Because I like to practice the barbed words I want to use in front of certain people, who fuck all …

Not really sober thinking is it ? Nope it isn’t.

I said to my friend, who drank over the weekend, that:

You Don’t Ever Have to Drink Again …

It’s in the book. I’ve said it before. But my friends would rather hit the bumper and drink again and again, knowing the truth is right in front of them, yet they choose to avert their eyes from the truth, because for many, they just cannot fathom a life without using and drinking.

I know what that feels like. Let me tell you what I did … As Lorna would say.

When I got sober this time around, I was so fear ridden with the prospect of growing up and becoming a man. I think that is why I continued to drink, until drinking more was NOT a viable option any longer. I had no choice. I had to sober up.

I was just not going to walk into a room alone. I had to have help.

I prayed for HELP and help ARRIVED.

I know how you feel, let me tell you what I did …

These are everlasting words of hope and faith. These are the words that can change a life. If only my friends trusted me.

I am powerless over people, places and things.

You can’t force someone into sobriety. They have to come upon it on their own.

Many stand at the barrier and look over it. Some of my friend succeeded at walking through it, into sobriety. A handful of my friends are still standing there, waiting for the PUSH they really need. I quietly sit there, and beckon.

Over and Over and Over.

Fear and Pain are great motivators. Some of my friends are stuck in fear and pain.

Sobriety is a selfish pursuit. Go to your meeting for YOU and only YOU.

And Fuck all what anyone else might think or say.

I’ve learned that over fifteen years and ten months.

Now, a little faith from Pope Francis …

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In his Monday homily at Casa Santa Marta, Pope Francis focused on the parable of the Good Samaritan. He said one who helps another “get up” is on the “right path to Jesus.”

POPE FRANCIS
“This is very common habit among us. We see an ugly calamity and pass by and later read about it in the newspapers, painted with a bit of scandal and sensationalism. Instead the Samaritan, a pagan and sinner who was traveling ‘saw and did not pass by: he had compassion.’ St. Luke describes it well, ‘He saw; he had compassion; he went to him and did not remain far away, but went closer.”

He concluded by asking Christians to examine which type of Christian they are and if they constantly are available to help others.

SUMMARY OF PAPAL HOMILY
“This is very common habit among us. We see an ugly calamity and pass by and later read about it in the newspapers, painted with a bit of scandal and sensationalism. Instead the Samaritan, a pagan and sinner who was traveling ‘saw and did not pass by: he had compassion.’ And St. Luke describes it well, ‘He saw, he had compassion, he went to him and did not remain far away, but went close by.

“This is the mystery of Christ who became a servant, who humbled and annihilated himself and died for us. Jesus is the Good Samaritan who invited the doctor of the law to do the same. The mystery of Jesus Christ is not a children’s tale, the parable reveals the depth and breadth of the mystery of Jesus Christ. The doctor of the law did not understand the mystery of Christ but he surely understood the human principle behind it – that every man who looks from above at another man down below, does so only to help him get up. One who does this is on the right path to Jesus.”

“The innkeeper understood nothing of this, bewildered at meeting someone who did things he never heard before. This is what happens when one meets Jesus. The Holy Father urged Christians to re-read this parable and examine themselves on their attitude – a robber, a cheater, a corrupt man, a priest, a Catholic manager, or a sinner. Do I approach and make myself a neighbour and servant to those in need like Jesus?.”

Friday … Updates … Trust

julia

It has been One Long Day …

Never let it be said that Socialized Medicine is terrible or not very good.

Never in all my years, living here in Montreal, have I gone without, or not been able to see my doctor whenever I need him, at a moments notice, anytime, any day.

The good thing about my doctors, is, that both of them (are) brothers, and work out of the same office, on different days. And in an emergency, both are available, even off hours.

So today, I had a morning appointment to get my diabetes numbers. I got there early, and as usual, the office was full, ours is a family office so multiple generations show up for appointments. I waited …

When it was my turn, I had not sat down for five minutes when I told George that I had fallen and seriously hurt myself. The appointment went out the window and he listened and then took immediate action. Since I see my doctors offsite, not in a hospital complex, I get personalized service with one stop shopping.

The Metro stop which I use to get to the office is centrally located, with all ancillary offices tucked in the same neighborhood. Within three blocks are all that is needed, however, I do use the Montreal General Hospital for my lab work. That is the only reason I set foot in a hospital.

George sent me for x-rays, which cost me a whopping $10.00 for the dvd copy of my x-rays. I walked to and from the image center and back to the office.

I have a crack in my wrist, it isn’t broken or fractured, just a small crack in the bone in my wrist. No cast required, I do have a pressure wrap that I got. The hand is swollen, and purple, and the pain is sometimes excruciating. I have pain killers when I need them, and my doctor said it will heal, as long as I take care of the hand and not agitate it any more than it is. But my right hand is my dominant hand, and certain things I have trouble doing, like bathing, showering and dressing. I have limited movement in that hand right now, and limited range of motion.

It is ok.

I left home at 10:30 a.m. and got back home at 4:45 p.m.

That might be a long time, but I am willing to wait my turn, in return, I get the best care for the tax dollars I pay yearly.

**** **** ****

I departed early to make a stop on the way, it was cold. I arrived at the church in good time. It is the best night of the week for many of us.

We talked about Trust …

It was a good discussion. But the icing on the Friday cake, was sugar pie.

One of my good friends, a man I adore, came with his family, to celebrate his three year anniversary. He has come such a long way in those years. He trusted us with his life, and we, in turn, gave his life back to him.

We come in dirty, dejected, sad and disillusioned. Not knowing who we could or should trust. But where on earth can you go, and find people you CAN trust, trust with your life and your spirit?

The rooms provide.

We clapped and we cheered and everyone went home, just a little bit better than when we walked into the room tonight.

Before the meeting, I was standing outside talking to Mama Bear, and a great wind blew through the trees, and knocked ice and snow from a pine tree that is at least a hundred feet tall. It began to snow, ever so gently.

When we left the church there was a blanket of snow on the ground. It was not as cold as it had been just an hour earlier. I walked home with “my person.” Everyone has “their person.” It was a great walk home for both of us.

Took the train home and had a nice dinner.

Now it’s time to hit the sack …

Goodnight.

 

Sunday Sundries … Grinding

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Courtesy: I Hate Renton

And we are back on a Sunday, with a successful week that has been. I’m still on a reduced schedule. I did not have to press myself with things to do, because of company that was in town last week, which freed me up to take care of me.

I’ve been reliant on pain killers the past few days, and I had to stop at the pharmacy on the way home to refill a script that I really did not want to fill, but it was a necessary evil.

I spoke directly with the pharmacist on duty about what was going on with me and what she could do for me. There is medication that one can access without a prescription from a doctor.

Being in recovery places certain limits on what kind of medication I can take, but real pain, is real pain. I just can’t ask for something that I should not be taking at all. So she refilled the meds I had at home, so that I would be able to get to Thursday, when I actually see my doctor in person.

I’m thinking that I can get a radiology consult in order to find out what is really going on, instead of waiting until Thursday and seeing him, then making a decision on what to do next. I would like to get the diagnosis in the bank sooner than later, then allowing my doctor to be able to see the tests or scans as I am sitting with him, then we could take a plan of action.

I got to the church on time, and friends were already setting up as I walked into the hall, so half the job was done. We finished up and I spent time with a sponsee in the hour before the meeting.

As is usual, we hit another really sad story. It was laughable, but utterly raw in terms of the situation. They say that it becomes a blessing when we can laugh at our own stories. And in reading tonight’s fare …”There’s nothing wrong with me,” that phrase was common amongst us at one point or another.

There are different types of alcoholics, depending on the depth of the addiction, what we drank, how much we drank, and who we hurt all along the way.

Our man, in tonight’s story drank like an animal. Back in the day, when it came to alcohol, some oldsters went to bitter and dangerous lengths just to get cranked.

I, myself, never resorted to shoe polish or mouth wash, or vanilla extract. I just drank alcohol, until I could not stand up. I was reminded by our story tonight, just how much of an animal I was when I was drinking.

I wasn’t drinking because liquor tasted good, but because of what the liquor did for me. And I repeated that same thought, that has come from me before. The thought that, at no time did any of my friends, employers or family ever said the word STOP.

I’ve ruined travel occasions because of my drinking. Back before everyone got sober, from the office I worked in in my younger years, we would go on weekend jaunts just to get on a plane and drink compulsively. The longer and farther the flight, the better, because as travel agents we were privy to First Class accommodations, which afforded us free liquor. I was not the only alcoholic in the bunch, but in the end, in our own times, we each got sober.

I don’t know where my love of alcohol came from, I mean, when I started drinking, it wasn’t for just one drink, or one beer. It was all or nothing. My friends used to drink as well, I mean, that was a familiar past time, to get some beer or hawk a bottle of liquor from a liquor cabinet and get piss ass drunk.

I loved it from the get go, so I wondered out loud tonight, how I came to love alcohol so much. I guess you could say that when I was told to go the bar and drink, then see what happens, I guess I figured that if I learned to drink correctly, to get the effect desired, then I drank. Once you get past the first drink, the rest go down like water.

Bar tenders were more than happy to pour a drink or two, and match those drinks, with shot after shot. And drink with you as well, so they were getting as cranked as we were.

Eventually we either find the end point, or it is pointed out to us, and we stop. I knew, this time, that Stop was coming. I prayed, and God answered me, because He knew better what I needed than I did myself. The rest is history.

Wednesday December the 9th, is my 14th sober anniversary.

That is 5,110 days without a drink. One day at a time.

The story said this last thought succinctly …

A.A. does not need me, I need A.A. it is that simple.

More to come, stay tuned…