Sunday Sundries: It Could’ve Been Worse

toujeo

I am home tonight from my weekend trip to Ottawa this past weekend.

It was WET, COLD and it SNOWED for two days.

Nothing beats spending quality time with my best friend and his girlfriend.

Time Well Spent.

Thursday night, I was packed and ready to go, ready to go so much, that I did not sleep Thursday night. At least, I thought I had packed everything.

Do I openly admit that I am getting forgetful of things, important things too?

Hubby was home on Friday when I left for the bus station. I left uber early, because I thought I would hit an early bus and get into Ottawa earlier than I had planned, to facilitate scheduling on the other end.

I figured just showing up and presenting a ticket for a specific departure time, would grant me passage on an earlier bus, it has happened before. I got to the station and thought better of taking chances, and so I dropped my luggage at the ticket office and paid for a ticket change. And got a seat on a half empty bus at 11 a.m.

It was a smooth ride out. Not too bad. I had two seats to myself on the way out. About halfway to Ottawa I got up to use the restroom, and while sitting on the throne of thought, I realized that I had forgotten my insulin at home.

FUCK !

NO, Double FUCK !!

I called home and spoke to hubby. Then from the bus, I phoned my pharmacy here in Montreal, telling the girl on the other end that I was on a speeding bus headed to Ottawa and that I had forgotten my insulin at home.

That would be my insulin pens, my needles and my alcohol swabs.

Insulin comes in 5 pen boxes, and they cannot be split up. You can’t buy a handful of insulin needles because they come in a BOX too. I only had $100.00 in my wallet and $50.00 in the bank reserve.

Meanwhile, as the bus is almost into Ottawa, hubby gets a paycheck advance from his boss to cover my insulin if I needed to buy it once I got there. There was money in the bank, enough to cover the purchase. however, we were not sure if the insurance would cover another insulin prescription.

My insulin runs me over $185.00 up front. And usually it pays 80% 20%.

When I got to Ottawa, I stopped at the first pharmacy on the way to the apartment. They called Montreal and transferred my prescription to Ottawa. They ran my card, and the payment went through.

I had to buy an entire BOX of insulin, an entire box of needles, and another box of alcohol swabs. The grand total of that little forgetful mistake cost me $85.00.

That sunk my weekend into the hole right off.

Now I have more than eight months worth of insulin in the fridge, enough needles for months and months, and two boxes of alcohol swabs. Thank God sealed insulin does not go bad, if refrigerated.

Friday we hung out at coffee shops and played Backgammon. Rafa is a game player so we played games all weekend. I like Backgammon. We played two days worth of it.

Friday night after dinner we played a board game called PANDEMIC.

pandemic

I’ve never played this game before, but it was very cool. Each player picks a “role” from a bunch of cards. And each player has specific abilities in the game of pandemic. With all the players engaged at trying to stop pandemic from infecting the world, each player PLAYS against the GAME.

As each turn goes around, you draw cards from two piles. One pile of country and city cards, the other, pandemic cards that plague a city around the world. Each major city center is connected by lay lines to other cities in each region.

As the game progresses, each player works against the game to stop pandemic, but the game plays against each player as well, and each pandemic (there are 4 in total ) need to be cured, and cities cleansed. We lost that game, because at the end, the game forced the hand and we ran out of turns together.

This is a multiple player board game. We played three people, but with extension packets, you can play up to seven people at the same time.

Saturday we went to Wakefield, Ontario. A little town about a fifteen minute drive outside the city in the hills. It is a small community of artsy people. There is a town center with shops and stores, and a central hub Coffee Community Cafe.

I really enjoyed that visit. Rafa and his girlfriend are looking to buy a house outside the city to start their family and to bring the extended family into the house for a multi-generational home for their kids, in the future.

I have photos but I am too pooped to upload them right now.

Saturday it started snowing early, so that curtailed the traveling to a meeting. So instead we stayed in and watched Star Wars (Rogue One) a really decent stand alone Star Wars Movie. I had not seen it when it was in theatre.

Then we watched a Steven King movie called “IT”

I noticed while watching this movie that there were a bunch of pop culture references that have been used in SNL skits and other media around the tubes.

It was time well spent.

Everyone went to bed early, as Rafa and Megan were battling a cold between themselves. I brought a book that I have almost finished on the bus ride back. The Beauty of Humanity Movement by Camilla Gibb. It’s a Vietnamese story.

I have been sunk in South East Asia for more than a year now. I’ve read a handful of books in that region, including the Shantaram Series by Gregory David Roberts.

Today, Sunday we hit another coffee-house and played more backgammon, before I had to head to the station for my return trip.

This time the bus was PACKED ! It had snowed quite a bit between Ottawa and Montreal, because the closer we got to Montreal, the deeper the snow pack was on the roads and in parking lots along the way.

I have a multitude of music on my phone. I picked one band. Linkin Park. They are my favorite band. And since Chester Bennington’s suicide a few months ago, I listen to them as often as I can. I had enough music that it played from the moment we left Ottawa until we arrived in Montreal, without repeating a single track.

It seemed the ride back into Montreal was LONG … Because it was pitch dark by the time we hit the station here. On the way out of Ottawa there was a multiple car accident on the highway and several rescue trucks were on the highway and several drivers had stopped to help people who were hurt. That slowed us down for a bit …

I got home around 7 when all was said and done.

Everybody has a plan. Rafa and Megan are going to be married, down the line. Juan and Nadia are getting married in July this summer. Houses, Kids, Jobs, Retirement plans. It seems everyone has a plan.

Hubby and I don’t have a plan …

While in Wakefield on Saturday afternoon, we talked about PLANS and CONTINGENCY plans. We also discussed the fact that I might be entitled to inheritance from my father’s will. Because I am his first-born son. However, my family wanted to fuck me over and have the whole of my life, there might be legal grounds for me to pursue Legal Rights to inheritance of any monies in his estate.

Even if they deny me inheritance and write me out of their wills, which I am sure they have already done, the money might be there to be had. Even if it is resentment money and that money would be dirty money, that I might not want to keep, if I did win an inheritance law suit, it would be my choice what to do with it.

I am calling a lawyer this week, to get that ball rolling.

My mother will have a shit fit and my father will be choking in his URN. Because my brother had him cremated and sent to Virginia. Where my mother now lives.

It was a very fruitful weekend. Lots of serious discussion about the future. I spoke with hubby over dinner about exactly that … The Future …

It seems, that “A PLAN” is in the works. A new law was passed here in Quebec about employers offering an opt in/opt out choice of 3% of gross pay being funneled into a bank run RRSP … That’s a retirement plan here in Quebec.

We talked about having a fifteen year plan, because by then, he will be retirement age and I don’t expect to be living in this same apartment for another fifteen years. We’ve just negotiated another years lease here this past week.

More to come.

Thursday: Nobody’s Listening …

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I am very sad. I just cannot understand how people skate under the radar with their assorted issues, and go to their deaths, and nobody knew ???

I’ve been listening to Chester sing for years and years. I know every song, every word, and every feeling. This morning Chester was found dead, by his own hand, hanging in his home.

Nobody’s Listening …

Listen to Hybrid Theory. Listen to every word on that album and tell me, was anybody listening ???

Now Chester is gone. He took his own life. He is dead !

His new album dropped not long ago. I’ve listened to it over and over. The band was to embark on a World Tour next week. They were slated to play the Bell Center here in Montreal on the 10th of August.

Who is out there who could hold a candle to Chester’s voice ? NOBODY !

Listen to Chester sing about pain, loss, being hurt and abused. Listen to all those songs play over and over, and not think … Was anybody listening ?

Mental Illness. I know it. I live it every day of my life. Not only myself but in the life of my husband who is Bi-Polar. I am not immune to suffering by any stretch of the imagination.

I am all too familiar with mental illness.

And I also know that mental illness is not a solitary endeavor.

You cannot do mental illness ALONE.

It is so important to have a second set of eyes on you every day.

Someone in your corner who knows you and loves you and can be there when times get very dark, and things go south, so quickly, there is no time to react.

If you are alone in your pain, who is going to stop you from doing something devastating, like kill yourself !

Who was in Chester’s life ? Who was listening ? Why did nobody do something when it needed to be done ? He’s dead now, and we can ask all these questions now, since the words Molestation, Abuse, and Mental Illness have been tossed into his obituary discussions. Chester suffered greatly as a child, and I can bet that the pain of that abuse probably drove him to his death.

I know what that kind of abuse is. I suffer my own demons … Men suffer in silence because nobody wants to hear our pain. For many we sink into drugs and alcohol. Chester, they write was sober. Still he’s dead now.

It begs another question, how can a sober man take his own life ? Was he not connected to others like him, soberly ?

My demons of abuse haunt me to this day, so I CAN imagine what he was going through and just how bad the pain, suffering and RAGE can get. I’ve been in RAGE mode for a long time now. Still dealing with the wreckage of my past.

I’m sure Chester never got over his own wreckage.

Listen to Chester sing and him scream and rant and rage at abuse and sorrow.

It’s a fucking SHAME …

There are some sick FUCKS out there, who denigrate a man who suffered greatly, and sang the blood of his suffering in his music.

Listen to Chester sing now, listen to Hybrid Theory or Re-Animation, and tell me, what do you hear ? Are you hearing the same words I am ? or …

Is Nobody Listening ???

I don’t get this fascination of high powered entertainers who take the Hanging way out ?

Once you slip that noose around your neck, there ain’t no going back.

Such a Fucking God Damned SHAME …

We have the famous Twenty Six Club.

Over the last few years, we have the Hanging Noose Club.

  • Chris Cornell
  • Robin Williams
  • Chester Bennington
  • How many others can we add to this sick list of men who hung themselves ?

Mental Illness is the Scourge of the entertainment industry. Listen to Howie Mandel talk about his mental illness and how many comedians suffer from depression and use humor to bring themselves some light, fighting the darkness, bringing LIGHT in the form of comedy.

Mental Illness is such a solitary killer. People suffer in silence because the world wants to shut its eyes and close its ears because it is just too difficult to be our brother’s keepers.

Open your eyes, Open your ears, Pay Fucking attention to your brothers and sisters.

How many more really great men and women have to die needlessly when we have the power to do something for them …

I am fucking shattered.

Chester is Dead. Thank God his music survives him.

Now every time we listen to him sing, we will ask ourselves, is anybody listening ???

The songs are there, the words are written. The PAIN is real.

Now it is to late to save Chester.

He’s gone – there will never be another Chester, ever.

My heart is broken …

Linkin Park star Chester Bennington’s hurt made beautiful music

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Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington, who died aged 41 on Thursday, had helped lead the group to critical acclaim.

Bennington’s distinctive vocals – added to the group’s blend of rap, metal, and electronic music – spawned a string of chart-topping hits.

The son of a police officer in Phoenix, Arizona, Bennington was born on 20 March 1976 and had a troubled youth.

After years of intense drug use, he got sober and joined Linkin Park in 1998.

“Growing up, for me, was very scary and very lonely,” he told Metal Hammer magazine in 2014.

“I started getting molested when I was about seven or eight.”

His parents divorced when he was 11 years old, and he went to live with his father, whom he described as “not emotionally very stable then”, adding that “there was no-one I could turn to”.

The singer quit hard drugs after a gang broke into a property where the future star was getting high and pistol-whipped some of his friends.

Bennington moved to Los Angeles and successfully auditioned to join Linkin Park.

Later in the 2000s, as the band’s success took off, he again began using drugs before returning to sobriety, telling Spin Magazine in 2009: “It’s not cool to be an alcoholic.

“It’s not cool to go drink and be a dumbass.

“It’s cool to be a part of recovery.

“Most of my work has been a reflection of what I’ve been going through in one way or another,” he added.

Formed in 1996, Linkin Park’s debut album Hybrid Theory surfed the popular wave of nu-metal, Rolling Stone magazine writes.

It eventually sold more than 30 million albums and became one of the top-selling albums since the start of this millennium.

The band has sold 70 million albums worldwide and won two Grammy Awards.

Linkin Park had a string of hits including Faint, In The End and Crawling, and collaborated with rapper Jay-Z.

Bennington was said to be close to Sound Garden’s Chris Cornell, who took his own life in May 2017.

As well as a hole in Linkin Park’s line-up, he leaves six children from two different marriages.

Linkin Park Loss: Chester Bennington is dead … Oh My Freaking God !!!

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I cannot begin to tell you what Chester’s death means to my life. Linkin Park has been the sound track of my life for more than a decade. I have every album on my phone. I listen to them constantly. Chester is my voice of rage, anger and angst.

I love this band. I love Chester Bennington more than any other artist on my playlist. This is a HUGE loss for the music industry and his band. It is a HUGE, SAD, loss for me. They were supposed to play here this summer.

There will NEVER be another Chester Bennington.

Nobody comes close to the artistry and voice that Chester had. He was unique and totally and completely a fine artist and singer.

I will miss you terribly Chester. May God Bless you and Keep you forever.

Goodbye Chester …

My heart is broken into pieces.

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Linkin Park lead singer Chester Bennington has died aged 41, LA County Coroner says.

The coroner said Bennington apparently hanged himself. His body was found at a private home in the county at 09:00 local time (17:00 GMT) on Thursday.

Bennington was said to be close to Soundgarden vocalist Chris Cornell, who took his own life in May.

Formed in 1996, Linkin Park has sold more than 70 million albums worldwide and has two Grammy Awards.

The band had a string of hits including Faint, In The End and Crawling, and collaborated with the rapper Jay-Z.

Its album Meteora topped the Billboard 200 chart in 2003 and is regarded as one of the biggest indie rock records of all time.

Bennington leaves a wife, and six children from two marriages.

He is said to have struggled for years with alcohol and drug abuse, and has talked in the past about suicide as a result of being a victim of abuse as a child.