There is a God, and I am NOT God.
I am pondering God, this morning, because in a few hours time, I will kneel with a woman and pray the Third Step with her, formally, for her first run.
And as for prayer, and God, I know, that I Know God. Intimately. If you have been following along for a while, you know the story of Todd:read:God. God has been a presence in my life, for all of my life.
Many times, along the continuum I walked with God, intimately.
Then there were times, when I turned my back on God, because of my selfishness and self centered-ness. And paid for those character defects terribly.
Eighteen years on, in a few months, I have renewed my spirit. I’ve been sober all this time, and I have learned a great deal about myself, and those I care about. A handful of honest men, tell me the truth, and I respect them greatly for their honesty.
When Todd walked into my life, as a thunderous God, he turned my life upside down, from the very first moment I set eyes on him. He did not disappoint. When he took me in when I got sick, and asked me to simply trust him, with everything I had, I knew he was true.
Every night, for two years, on my knees we knelt together while I sobbed in his arms, because I was so sick, and was destined to die, miserably, like so many others.
His promise to me was simple, as long as I was on his watch, he would do everything he could to keep me alive. Twenty Five Years Later, I still tell this story because he was true.
Todd is true; God is True;. He saved me from imminent death.
Every night, I turned my will and my life over to the care of Todd:read:God. I was getting sober at that time, but sobriety took a back seat to staying alive, in the middle of the maelstrom of AIDS. I did stay sober, despite the toxic AA community I was associated with, and it did not get better, but worse. In the end, I walked out the door, to almost die in selfish pursuits.
Another God shot saved me. Because one angel knew where I was a got me out of dodge and saved my life.
I know, intimately, what the Third Step is, and what it means.
I am now ready to serve God in any capacity He sees fit to give me.
I’ve turned my entire life over to Him, there is not a single part of me that is not standing in the light right now. I made a commitment to my God, a commitment that took me six months to finally get. Six months of inner battling with my darkest demon, ended.
I made the final commitment of chastity to my God.The final piece of my darkest puzzle is now in the light. there is nothing left to hide, nothing to keep secret.
I turned my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him, fully, without reservation or regret. I know where I am going, and what voice I am listening to, in my innermost heart of hearts.
There is true faith. When you get sober, you learn what kind of spirituality you want, because it is your free choice to make that decision. God, as you understand Him. God can be many things to many people. For as many people there are in our community, there is a belief in something that is aiding in keeping us all sane and sober.
It must be miraculous, because I know a lot of down and outers, who are sane, sober and are good people, both men and women.
So I listen to my heart, and I speak to God in whispers. And I wait for what He is going to show me or ask me to do, and I will do whatever He commands of me, whenever need be.
As a teen ager, I made a commitment, to Jesus, to follow Him, and be a soldier for God. That was untenable. The climate was too toxic for a teen ager to carry through with that commitment. Now more than 37 years later, I follow through with that commitment, because I was reminded of a time when I was young, clean, happy, and really, a different human being. Music is salvation.
Lying in my bed, my inner music player, started playing an old tune I remembered. So I came to my I tunes and downloaded two records, which are on my phone now, that I listen to constantly. Reminders of Christianity as a young person, and I was reminded of my promise to Jesus, God, to serve them.
I made that promise to God a few weeks earlier, when I made my final chastity covenant with God. And He followed through with Grace.
Now I am clean. Totally, without reservation. I have no regrets.
There is a choice to be made when we approach the Third Step:
God either IS or He Isn’t. God is Everything or He is Nothing !
What was our choice to be ? It comes right out of the book. It actually speaks these words to us at the end of We Agnostics.
I know God is true. God IS and He is Everything.
I walk in the light as I had as a young man. Faith is my salvation. God is my redeemer. And the maker of my life, and has for my whole life, but most importantly these past twenty five years, when I know God was on my side, because I live, and can tell the story about how I survived imminent death, when everybody else that was around me is long dead.
Only two of us survived that maelstrom. Mark, my friend who lives in Florida, who worked with me, in Todd’s bar, all those years ago, and myself.
He had his path to salvation and I had mine. I had the ace up my sleeve, Todd:read:God.
Had there been no Todd, there would not have been any God. And I would be long dead now. Thankfully, God became incarnate and walked with me, spoke to me, and gave me a life I surely did not imagine even possible, because if you told me then, how good my life would be today, I would have laughed you off the planet.
God Is Good, God is True.
This I know is True.