It is pouring down rain at this very moment in Montreal.
The time has come to make some changes again. The writing has been on the wall, and Heavenly Father is gently pushing me in new directions. I can trace back, not so long ago, what this looked like, when the Elders came to me and ministered to me. Elder Spencer is still a part of my life today.
General Conference took place last weekend. I participated via stream. Lots of good things shared and spoken.
I guess I want to talk about gifts and movements.
I thought about this the other day, and I’ve been ruminating on it ever since.
Am I the only drunk who goes to meetings and pays attention ? It seems that not many people pay the amount of attention to what they hear, like I do. You hear that Anonymity Statement, we have a few in the rooms here. Each of them different.
But the one I go with is this …
You can carry the message outside this room, but names and personal details stay here. We use this one on Friday Night at the A.B.S.I. meeting.
I go to several meetings, or have been. I’ve since cut my meetings by one.
In talking to my friend Sean the other night, he’s got time, like I have time. He is sober as long as I am sober now. He has a family, kids, (plural) and he does business in Asia a lot of the time. Seeing him often, is hit and miss. But we spoke.
Getting back to Heavenly Father and the prompts…
You know it’s time to go when these things begin to happen.
- When your ideas on certain subjects begin to lose traction, and people begin moving away from you or avoiding you, it’s time to go.
- When what you are hearing from your friends, push you to realize that, between us, we are on totally different pages, in sobriety, it is time to go.
- When you realize that some people just do not like you. When you realize that some people do not respect you, and treat you differently, among your peers, it is time to go.
- When you begin to regret walking into a particular meeting because of the people you share that room with, and the purpose of that meeting, becomes inconsequential to the people in the room, it is time to go.
- And finally … When sober people you either know, for a long time, or men and women you work with, find out you are human and not Vulcan, and they turn on you and walk away, IT IS TIME TO GO !
I’ve been going to meetings for the whole of my sobriety. This blog is a testament and a record of most of the meetings I have attended over the past 16 years.
In those sixteen years, I have had to shut down, export, import and re-Domain this blog three times. Each reason is different. And usually has to happen when flamers and hackers and Evangelical Christians come knocking on my front door.
I opened this domain and blog in response to an alcoholic who thought I had broken his anonymity by telling a story about him on my former blog. He never bitched about what I wrote about until I started talking about him specifically. Yes, he lives here, and goes to the same meetings I do, but he has no respect for me, nor my presence, nor my life.
Anyways … I was thinking, Am I the only drunk who pays attention at meetings, pays attention so hard, that I come home after a meeting, I transcribe what I heard for you here and for me as well ?
I mean, how the fuck do we learn how to get sober, if we don’t study our friends behaviors, choices and actions over time ?
That’s how I got sober. By watching my friends do STUPID things over sixteen years.
Watching other people ACT is the best way we learn how NOT to BE.
Which is how WE Become US.
I am done with going to places where people don’t respect me. I am done going to meetings where people ignore me around other people, and treat me disrespectfully.
Sean, told me to go to meetings where I am a trusted custodian. Those would be the Monday Central Meeting and the Friday North End English Meeting.
We all have gifts. Heavenly Gifts. Before we got here, Heavenly Father, or the powers that be, handed us a script. A job, so to speak.
Past Lifers would say that if we got here again, then, there was something we missed or screwed up, on our last visit. And now we get to work it out all over again, hoping we hit the mark this time, and not have to do this all over again …
Re-incarnators talk about how we get to reincarnate with people we knew in the past life we just left, or several lives before that. The proviso is that, we come back with a contract, which is unlike the former contract we were on. This time around we may be together for the whole journey, or maybe part of it.
There are reasons God put us here. Mainly, to learn Love, Dignity and Respect. To help our fellows and our friends. To learn how to GIVE, and not take.
The world need to learn how to LOVE … AGAPE LOVE …
Gifts … We all have them. We may not know what they are, it is our job to figure that out while we are down here, in the ways we relate to others, the work we do, and the service we give to our friends, family, peers and fellows, men and women alike. The love we share, the respect we give, the dignity we attribute and give to others.
Do you know what your gifts are ? Are you aware of them ? I am of Mine.
And to a greater degree now.
I’ve listened to my friends for a LONG TIME.
I hear them, they make stupid decisions, do stupid things, they hurt, they drink, they use, some get back, many don’t.
I seriously pay attention to every human being who talks in front of me. I KNOW all of my friends intimately. They probably don’t know that, until I walk up to them and say such things like …
- Been there, done that.
- Maybe you should try something else.
- I can help you through this portion of your journey.
- I see you did this, and paid dearly for it, now I am giving you a tool to make sure you don’t make that same mistake again …
And you know what they do ?
- They take a step backwards,
- They look at me with those eyes like
- Are You Fucking with Me ?
- You can’t be serious ?
- Fuck your advice, even if you are sober sixteen years and haven’t drank or used in all that time.
- Even if you have experience,
- I don’t want YOURS !!!
Fuck me for trying …
When these things happen, IT’S TIME TO GO !!!
I have ears to hear, and eyes to see. I mean that’s what God gave them to us for right ? I use those gifts to help my fellows, and I know today, none of that matters to a majority of them.
Which is why I need to move on to better pastures where the grass is green and the sober time is low, and people who want my message may be receptive to it. Because a few people with little time, and a lot of people with A LOT of time, have no need for me or want me around.
Thanksgiving is Sunday, here in Canada.
And I joked with a friend who works up the block that, within days of Halloween Night’s end, Christmas decorations will go up. Every year it is a contest to see who is gonna jump the gun this year and play Christmas music in their stores, and put up decorations in their shopping malls or stores.